Lawyer: ‘Now that you have been acquitted, will you tell me truly?
Did you steal the car?’
Client: ‘After hearing you in court, I’m beginning to think I didn’t.’
Similar jokes
See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.
"Your Honor, it was an accident! I had to run into the fence to keep from hitting the cow!"
"Was it a Jersey cow?"
"I don't know, I didn't see her license plate!"
Q: What is the ideal weight of a lawyer?
A: About three pounds, including the urn.
A man walked into a curio store and was looking around.
After awhile, he chose a brass rat and brought it up to the counter.
The proprietor said, that will be $10 for the brass rat and $1,000 for the story behind it.
The man said, 'Thanks, but I'll just pay the $10 and pass on the story.'
He purchased the brass rat and left the store.
As he was walking down the street, he started noticing all sorts of rats following him.
The further he walked -- the more rats followed.
He walked down to the wharf and still more rats came out and followed him.
So, he decided to walk out into the water, which he did -- and all the rats drowned.
He returned to the store where he purchased the brass rat, and when he walked in, the proprietor said, 'Ah ha!
You came back to pay the $1,000 for the story, right?'
'Nope,' replied the man, 'Just came back to see if you have any brass lawyers!'
Two little squirrels were walking along in the forest.
The first one spied a nut and cried out, "Oh, look! A nut!"
The second squirrel jumped on it and said, "It's my nut!"
The first squirrel said, "That's not fair! I saw it first!"
"Well, you may have seen it, but I have it," argued the second.
At that point, a lawyer squirrel came up and said, "You shouldn't quarrel.Let me resolve this dispute."
The two squirrels nodded, and the lawyer squirrel said, "Now, give me the nut."
He broke the nut in half, and handed half to each squirrel, saying, "See? It was foolish of you to fight. Now the dispute is resolved."
Then he reached over and said, "And for my fee, I'll take the meat."
If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, how many orchards does it take for a lawyer?
What is the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?
The vampire sucks you’re blood only at midnight!
Lawyer was briefing his client, who was about to testify in his own defense.
"You must swear to tell the complete truth. Do you understand?"
The client replied that he did.
The lawyer then asked, "Do you know what will happen if you don't tell the truth?"
The client looked back and said, "I imagine that our side will win."
Did you hear about the lawyer who was hurt in an accident?
The ambulance he was chasing stopped too suddenly.
Lawyer: ‘Now that you have been acquitted, will you tell me truly?
Did you steal the car?’
Client: ‘After hearing you in court, I’m beginning to think I didn’t.’