Joke #4017

Lawyer: ‘Now that you have been acquitted, will you tell me truly? Did you steal the car?’ Client: ‘After hearing you in court, I’m beginning to think I didn’t.’
Vote:
has 24.92 % from 8 votes. More jokes about: lawyer

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and a drunk are in a bar when they spot a hundred pounds on the floor. Who gets it? The drunk – the other three are mythological creatures.
Vote:
has 67.68 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
I once meet a honest, caring, politician that listened when I spoke and tried to help the country. Then I woke up.
Vote:
has 77.02 % from 63 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, political
A businessman was interviewing job applications for the position of manager of a large division. He quickly devised a test for choosing the most suitable candidate. He simply asked each applicant this question, "What is two plus two?" The first interviewee was a journalist. His answer was, "Twenty-two". The second was a social worker. She said, "I don't know the answer but I'm very glad that we had the opportunity to discuss it." The third applicant was an engineer. He pulled out a slide rule and came up with an answer "somewhere between 3.999 and 4.001." Next came an attorney. He stated that "in the case of Jenkins vs. the Department of the Treasury, two plus two was proven to be four." Finally, the businessman interviewed an accountant. When he asked him what two plus two was, the accountant got up from his chair, went over to the door, closed it, came back and sat down. Leaning across the desk, he said in a low voice, "How much do you want it to be?" He got the job.
Vote:
has 83.36 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: accountant, business, lawyer, management, work
Q: What is the ideal weight of a lawyer? A: About three pounds, including the urn.
Vote:
has 24.26 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
An engineer, a physicist, and a lawyer were being interviewed for a position as chief executive officer of a large corporation. The engineer was interviewed first, and was asked a long list of questions, ending with "How much is two plus two?" The engineer excused himself, and made a series of measurements and calculations before returning to the board room and announcing, "Four." The physicist was next interviewed, and was asked the same questions. Before answering the last question, he excused himself, made for the library, and did a great deal of research. After a consultation with the United States Bureau of Standards and many calculations, he also announced "Four." The lawyer was interviewed last, and was asked the same questions. At the end of his interview, before answering the last question, he drew all the shades in the room, looked outside the door to see if anyone was there, checked the telephone for listening devices, and asked "How much do you want it to be?"
Vote:
has 72.84 % from 66 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, math
Q: What did the lawyer name his daughter? A: Sue. Q: And his son? A: Bill.
Vote:
has 75.62 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: family, kids, lawyer, money
The US government is throwing away millions of unused stamps with pictures of favorite lawyers on them. The people that use them don’t know which side to spit on!
Vote:
has 54.26 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
A man is at his lawyer's funeral and and is surprised by the turnout for this one man. He turns to the people around him. "Why are you all at this man's funeral?" A man turns towards him and says, "We're all clients." "And you ALL came to pay your respects? How touching." "No, we came to make sure he was dead."
Vote:
has 71.53 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: death, funeral, lawyer
Having lawyers make laws is like having doctors make diseases.
Vote:
has 46.10 % from 8 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
Two lawyers were walking along negotiating a case. "Look," said one, "let's be honest with each other." "Okay, you first," replied the other. That was the end of the discussion.
Vote:
has 76.89 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: communication, lawyer