Joke #7165

Chuck Norris once went to court for a crime, the judge pleaded guilty.
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has 80.19 % from 432 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, lawyer

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Lawsuit commercials for personal injury are quite common with things like accidents and medication; however they never mention Chuck Norris.
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has 57.35 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, lawyer
Chuck Norris was once charged with three attempted murders in Boulder County, but the Judge quickly dropped the charges because Chuck Norris does not "attempt" murder.
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has 43.42 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, lawyer
A defendant was on trial for murder in Philadelphia. There was strong evidence indicating guilt, but there was no corpse. In the defense’s closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client would probably be convicted, resorted to a trick. "Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all," the lawyer said as he looked at his watch. "Within one minute, the person presumed dead in this case will walk into this courtroom." He looked toward the courtroom door. The jurors, somewhat stunned, all looked on eagerly. A minute passed. Nothing happened. Finally the lawyer said, "Actually, I made up the previous statement. But you all looked on with anticipation. I, therefore, put it to you that there is reasonable doubt in this case as to whether anyone was killed and insist that you return a verdict of not guilty." The jury, clearly confused, retired to deliberate. A few minutes later, the jury returned and pronounced a verdict of guilty. "But how?" inquired the lawyer. "You must have had some doubt; I saw all of you stare at the door." Answered the jury foreman: "Oh, we did look. But your client didn’t."
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has 83.67 % from 171 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
Q: Did you hear about the dead lawyer who was too big to fit in a coffin? A: They gave him an enema and buried him in a shoebox.
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has 39.47 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
What’s the difference between a shame and a pity? If a busload of lawyers goes over a cliff and there are no survivors – that’s a pity. If there were any empty seats – that’s a shame.
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has 30.41 % from 9 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
A physician, an engineer, and an attorney were discussing who among them belonged to the oldest of the three professions represented. The physician said, "Remember, on the sixth day God took a rib from Adam and fashioned Eve, making him the first surgeon. Therefore, medicine is the oldest profession." The engineer replied, "But, before that, God created the heavens and earth from chaos and confusion, and thus he was the first engineer. Therefore, engineering is an older profession than medicine." Then, the lawyer spoke up. "Yes," he said, "But who do you think created all of the chaos and confusion?"
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has 84.27 % from 94 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
In a murder trial, the defense attorney was cross-examining the coroner: "Before you signed the death certificate, did you take the pulse, listen to the heart or check for breathing?" "No." "So, when you signed the death certificate, you weren't sure the man was dead, were you?" "Well, the man's brain was in a jar on my desk, but I suppose he could have still been practicing law for a living."
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has 79.80 % from 114 votes. More jokes about: death, lawyer
Chuck Norris once drank wine from a chalice. This chalice is now known as the holy grail.
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has 28.32 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, religious, wine
Do you know why babys cry when they are born? Because they know they are entering the world with chuck Norris in it.
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has 72.31 % from 188 votes. More jokes about: baby, Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris had a staring contest with a picture. And Won.
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has 59.95 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris