Joke #7165

Chuck Norris once went to court for a crime, the judge pleaded guilty.

Lawsuit commercials for personal injury are quite common with things like accidents and medication; however they never mention Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris was once charged with three attempted murders in Boulder County, but the Judge quickly dropped the charges because Chuck Norris does not "attempt" murder.

Did you know that heaven and hell are actually right next to each other? They are seperated by a big chain-link fence. Well, one day hell was having a big party and it got a little out of hand. God heard the ruckus and arrived to find his fence completely smashed by the wild partiers. He called the devil over and said “Look, Satan, you have to rebuild this fence.” Satan agreed. The next day God noticed that the devil had completely rebuilt the fence…but it was 2 feet further into heaven than before. “Satan!” beckoned God. “You have to take that fence down and put it back where it belongs!” “Yeah? What if I don’t?” replied the devil. “I’ll sue you if I have to,” answered God. “Sure,” laughed Satan. “Where are you going to find a lawyer?”

If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

Chuck Norris once ate a whole bucket of sleepng pills and it managed to make him yawn.

A: What's the difference between a lawyer and an undertaker? B: A Lawyer doesn't mind getting his hands dirty while burying his victims.

Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.

When Bell invented the telephone, there were already three Chuck Noris missed calls.

Chuck Norris doesn't eat honey. He chews bees...

A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'" "But why?" asks the man. "I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.