Joke #2587

Q: What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A: A good start!
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A new client had just come in to see a famous lawyer. "Can you tell me how much you charge?" asked the client. "Of course", the lawyer replied, "I charge $200 to answer three questions!" "Well that's a bit steep, isn't it?" "Yes it is", said the lawyer, "And what's your third question?"
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Old lawyers never die, they just lose their appeal.
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What do lawyers wear to court? Lawsuits!
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What do attorneys use for birth control? Their personalities.
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Q: Did you hear about the dead lawyer who was too big to fit in a coffin? A: They gave him an enema and buried him in a shoebox.
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How do you get a lawyer out of a tree? Cut the rope.
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What’s the difference between a shame and a pity? If a busload of lawyers goes over a cliff and there are no survivors – that’s a pity. If there were any empty seats – that’s a shame.
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Why don’t lawyers enjoy fishing? Because it’s too much like work, what with all the lying involved.
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A lawyer boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crabs and asked a blonde stewardess to take care of them for him. She took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator. He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for them staying frozen, mentioning in a very haughty manner that he was a lawyer, and proceeded to rant at her about what would happen if she let them thaw out. Needless to say, she was annoyed by his behavior. Shortly before landing in New York, she used the intercom to announce to the entire cabin, "Would the lawyer who gave me the crabs in New Orleans, please raise your hand." Not one hand went up...so she took them home and ate them.
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What can a goose do, a duck can’t, and a lawyer should? Stick his bill up his rear.
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