Jesse starts wailing to the vet, "you gotta save my dog, he looks real bad - please you just gotta!"
"There, there Jesse, your dog just has a broken hip he'll be fine in no time.
My fee, of course, will be $1,500."
Jesse starts to wail - "oh, my dog's going to die!!!"
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A hippo once told me he hated gangs, but then he joined one
What a HippoCrip.
Thousands of years ago cats were worshipped as gods.
Cats have never forgotten this.
How do you f*ck a fat chick?
Roll her in flour and find the wet spot.
Vote:
A man had a party where all the rich people attend.
And the he had a pool with alligators.
So he announced that anyone who will swim across this pool and come out alive will be granted three wishes.
But no one wanted to go for the challenge.
All of a sudden, there was a big splash and a man was swimming like a hell and came out alive.
So the host asked, "What are your three wishes?"
The man replied, "Give me the shotgun and bulllets and show me the idiot that pushed me in..."
Bears do not eat bears.
Tigers do not eat tigers.
Dogs do not eat dogs.
Cats stopped eating kebabs.
What looks like half a cat?
The other half.
Did you hear about the cannibal spider that ate his uncle's wife?
He was an aunteater.
Q: What creature has more lives than a cat?
A: A frog, after all, they croak every night.
Look over there! Said the frightened skunk to his pal.
"There's a human with a gun, and he's getting closer and closer! What are we going to do?"
To which the second skink calmly replied, "Let us spray ."