Make the world your playground.
Whenever you miss the sandbox, cover it up.
Dragging a sock over it helps.
If you can't get your way, lay across the keyboard till you do.
When you are hungry, meow loudly so they feed you just to shut you up.
Always find a good patch of sun to nap in.
Nap often.
When in trouble, just purr and look cute.
Life is hard, and then you nap.
Curiosity never killed anything except maybe a few hours.
Variety is the spice of life.
One day, ignore people; the next day, annoy them, and play with them when they're busy.
Climb your way to the top, that's why the curtains are there.
Make your mark in the world, or at least spray in each corner.
Always give generously; a bird or rodent left on the bed tells them, "I care".
Similar jokes
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Q: Where does a kangaroo go that can't hop?
A: Hopspital.
A dog is truly a man's best friend.
If you don't believe it, just try this experiment.
Lock your dog and your wife in the boot of the car for an hour.
When you open the boot, which one is really happy to see you?
Chuck Norris once broke a mirror over the head of a black cat while standing under a ladder on Friday the thirteenth.
The next day he won the lottery.
Vote:
How are tigers like sergeants in the army?
They both wear stripes.
An eagle swoops down from the sky and eats a mouse.
Three hours later, while the eagle is flying, the mouse sticks its head out of the eagle's butt and asks, "How high up are we?"
"About 2,000 feet," the eagle replies.
The mouse replies, "You ain't sh*ttin' me, are you?"
Vote:
You said this horse could jump as high as a ten foot fence and he can't jump at all.
Well neither can a fence!
A Shark alarm at Sydneys Bondi Beach sent everyone rushing from the water except for three young boys who didn't hear the siren.
Onlookers were horrified to see a dorsel fin moving fast towards them. Suddenly, a tall bloke took a deep breath, dived into the surf, swam past the shark, and scooped up two of the boys, swiftly bringing them to the shore and safety.
He then took another deep breath and swam out again, snatching the third boy before rapidly approaching, before the monster could attack. Then got him back to the beach in one piece.
The heroic bloke then put a knife between his clenched teeth, swam out to the shark, and killed it in a furious battle.
As he staggered out from the surf, bleeding and battered, a journalist raced up to him and said, That was the most heroic thing
I've ever witnessed mate. This will appear on the front page of tomorrows newspaper: Aussie hero saves three boys from killer shark!
Thanks. Smiles the fella, but I'm not an Aussie. I'm a British backpacker.
No worries, said the journalist with a frown, it'll still be front-page news.
The next day, the newspapers headline screamed, Pommy bastard kills boy's pet fish!
Q: What do you call a guy with his hand up a Camel's arse?
A: An Arab mechanic.
What did the judge say when the skunk was on trial?
Odour in court.