How do you know if your cat has eaten a duckling?
She’s got that down-in-the-mouth look.
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Hercules strangled two snakes in his crib when he was a baby.
Chuck Norris strangled a grizzly bear moments after birth with his own umbilical cord.
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Q: What is a black cat's favorite color?
A: Purrrrrr-ple!
Q: What do women and cats have in common?
A: Pussy farts.
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What did the idiot call his pet zebra?
Spot!
Q: Why don't seagulls fly over the bay?
A: Because then they'd be bay gulls.
Which big cat should you never play cards with?
A cheetah.
Why wouldn't anyone play with the little longhorn?
He was too much of a bully!
Psychiatrist: "What’s your problem?"
Patient: "I think I’m a chicken."
Psychiatrist: "How long has this been going on?"
Patient: "Ever since I was an egg!"
Racehorses have to pee like Chuck Norris.
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