How do you know if your cat has eaten a duckling?
She’s got that down-in-the-mouth look.
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Your mom's so dumb, she threw the dog and told the stick to fetch!
Why couldn't the cow leave the farm?
She was pasteurized.
Turtle to turtle: "Don't ya just love the sound of rain on your roof?"
What would you do if your were in a large room, all sealed up, no windows, the door was locked, and there were 5 hungry tigers, 32 vultures, 17 spitting cobras, 213 tarantulas, 1 laywer, and you had a gun with only two bullets?
Shoot the lawyer twice.
Every day after work two blondes would look for their cars together.
Since they could never remember where they parked, they would sit around until all the cars were gone and they could spot their vehicles.
One blonde says "We need to find a faster way to get home."
The next day, they come to work on a donkey.
After work they come out and see a donkey tied to the fence.
"I think we're going to have to wait again, " says the one blonde.
"I'm not convinced that's our donkey."
"Why not?" asks the second blonde.
The first blonde says, "Well, this donkey only has one a**hole, and this morning when we rode in, I distinctly overhead someone say, "Hey look at those two a**holes on that donkey."
Q: What is height of De-hydration?
A: A cow giving milk powder.
Q: What animal rotates at least 200 times after it dies?
A: A rotisserie chicken.
Yo Mamma so stupid she put on bug spray before she goes to the flee market!
Q: Where does a kangaroo go that can't hop?
A: Hopspital.