Q: What do Saddam Hussein and General Custer have in common ?
A: They both want to know where the hell those Tomahawks are coming from !
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Chuck Norris once joined the Army.
That's how the motto, "An Army of One" was created.
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Q: Did you hear that it is twice as easy to train Iraqi fighter pilots?
A: You only have to teach them to take off.
An airman finds a barber shop near the base and goes inside for a haircut.
After getting a nice, short flat-top, the airman asks how much he should pay.
"No charge, son" replies the barber, "Your dedication and sacrifice in the service of our nation is payment enough."
The next day, as he opens shop, the barber finds a squadron T-shirt and a thank-you note left by his customer.
Later that day, a staff sergeant comes in, asking the barber to take a little bit off the sides.
When the haircut was complete and the NCO reaches for his wallet, the barber again says: "No charge, sergeant. Your dedication and sacrifice in the service of our nation is payment enough."
The next day, as he opens shop, he is pleased to find an Air Force hat and a squadron coin by the door, with a thank-you note.
Later that day, a colonel comes in, asking if the barber can do something to cover his bald spot.
The barber obliges, and when it comes time to pay, he again says: "No charge, sir. Your dedication and sacrifice in the service of our nation is payment enough."
The barber comes to work the next day and finds on his doorstep... three more Air Force colonels.
What soldiers smell of salt and pepper?
Seasoned troops!
Which branch of the military do babies join?
The infantry!
A General retired after 35 years and realized his life-long dream of buying a bird-hunting estate in South Dakota.
He invited an old friend to visit for a week of pheasant-shooting.
The friend was in awe of the General's bird dog, "Sarge."
The dog could point, flush and retrieve with the very best, and the friend offered to buy the dog.
The General declined, saying that Sarge was the best bird dog he had ever owned and that he wouldn't part with him at any price.
A year later the same friend returned for another week of hunting, and was surprised to find the General breaking in a new dog.
"What happened to ol' "Sarge?" he asked.
"Had to shoot him," grumbled the General.
A friend came to hunt with me and couldn't remember the dog's name.
He kept calling him Colonel.
After that, all the dog would do was sit on his ass and bark."
One reason the Services have trouble operating jointly is that they don’t speak the same language.
For example, if you told Navy personnel to “secure a building,” they would turn off the lights and lock the doors.
Army personnel would occupy the building so no one could enter.
Marines would assault the building, capture it, and defend it with suppressive fire and close combat.
The Air Force, on the other hand, would take out a three-year lease with an option to buy.
Q: What's the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
A: Mechanical engineers build weapons; civil engineers build targets.
What happened when the soldier went into an enemy bar?
He got bombed.