Joke #5581

A kid from Mississippi is on Harvard campus for the first time, he stops a student and asks, "Excuse me, can you tell me where the library is at?" The Harvard student replies "At Harvard, you don’t end a sentence with a preposition." The kid said, "Sorry about that. Can you tell me where the library is at, asshole?"

Daddy, how was I born? Ah, very well, one day you need to find out anyway! Mom and Dad got together in a chat room. Dad set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber cafe. We snuck into a secluded room, and then your mother downloaded from your dad's memory stick. As soon as dad was ready for an upload, it was discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall. Since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later the blessed virus appeared. And that's the story.

Kid to her mother: "If you hurt me I'll make you pregnant by a needle." Mother: "How? My sweet it isn't possible." Kid: "I'll insert the needle to daddy's condom!"

"Mom, where do tampons go?" "Where the babies come from, darling." "In a stork?

A wife to her husband as they watch their young son playing: "He's such a sensitive child. Let's wait until he's older before we tell him you're an accountant."

What did the red light say to the green light? Don't look I'm changing!

After 20 years of marriage, a wife finds out that her husband had been f*cking her for the past 20 years with a dildo! she is so angry she asks her husband to "Explain the dildo". The husband replies "explain the kids?!"

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."

The town’s local council remarks that the best lawyer in town never made a donation to charity tendency. To convince him, the mayor calls him in his office: Sir, I remarked that you’re revenue reached a number of $600.000. With all these, you never made a donation to the charity... If you looked into my files, did you also remark that my mother is sick, and the medicaments she needs exceed her funds? No... answers mayor. In second place, my brother, war veteran, is condemned in a wheelchair and he’s blind. The mayor started apologizing, but was interrupted: And more, my sister died into a car accident and left tree children orphans. Stunned, the mayor says: I didn’t know, please accept my apologies... But the lawyer continues: I don’t see why I should give you any money, if I don’t ever give them money...

Willow Smith is 11 and has a tongue ring, half her head shaved and is bisexual. She needs to go live with her Aunty and Uncle in Bel-Air.

After watching the grades of his child, the angry father said, "After seeing your grades, I feel like teaching a lesson or two and want to give a tight slap." The child excitedly says, "Yes dad, lets go, I know the addresses of all my teachers, we must teach them a lesson."