Q: What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?
A: I want to hold your hand hand hand hand hand hand hand hand.
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What do you call a penguin in the desert?
Lost!
Chuck Norris isn't a cat person but if he was, he would own 3 lions, a snow leopard, and cougar.
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What do you call a frog that crosses the road, jumps in a puddle, and crosses the road again?
A dirty double-crosser!
What is a cow's favourite TV show?
Dr Moo.
You know Chuck Norris' pet lizard, right?
Last I heard, he was in the movie "Godzilla".
Oh, and his pet turtle starred in "Gamera" as well.
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A mouse chanced on a pool of whiskey that was the result of a raid by prohibition-enforcement agents.
The mouse had had no previous acquaintance with liquor, but now, being thirsty, it took a sip of the strange fluid, and then retired into its hole to think.
After some thought, it returned to the pool, and took a second sip of the whiskey.
It then withdrew again to its hole, and thought.
Presently, it issued and drew near the pool for the third time.
Now, it took a big drink. Nor did it retreat to its hole. Instead, it climbed on a soap box, stood on its hind legs, bristled its whiskers, and squeaked:
"Now, bring on your cat!"
A hunter visited another hunter and was given a tour of his home.
In the den was a stuffed lion.
The visiting hunter asked, “When did you bag him?”
The host said proudly, “That was three years ago, when I went hunting with my ex-wife.”
“What’s he stuffed with,” asked the visiting hunter.
“My ex-wife” replied the hunter.
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How do you lead a horse to water?
With lots of carrots.
I just watched a squirrel bury a nut in my front yard.
I'm going to dig it up and replace it with a Cadbury egg.
That'll blow his little mind.