Who robs banks and squirts ink? Billy the Squid.
The FAA has a device for testing the strength of windshields on airplanes. They point this thing at the windshield of the aircraft and shoot a dead chicken at about the speed the air-craft normally flies at it. If the windshield doesn't break, it's likely to survive a real collision with a bird during flight. The British had recently built a new locomotive that could pull a train faster than any before it. They were not sure that its windshield was strong enough so they borrowed the testing device from the FAA, reset it to approximate the maximum speed of the locomotive, loaded in the dead chicken, and fired. The bird went through the windshield, broke the engineer's chair, and made a major dent in the back wall of the engine cab. They were quite surprised with this result, so they asked the FAA to check the test to see if everything was done correctly. The FAA checked everything and suggested that they might want to repeat the test using a thawed chicken.
Yesterday I saw a man trying to chat up a cheetah. ‘Hello,’ I thought. ‘He’s trying to pull a fast one.’
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with an elephant? An elephant who never forgets to eat his carrots.
A Bosnian catches a goldfish. The goldfish says: "Let me go and I will grant you one wish." The Bosnian says: "No way, I'll take you to the pawn shop – gold is gold."
What do spiders like to order at a fast food restaurant? Burgers and flies.
Which ghost sailed the seven seas looking for rubbish and blubber? The ghost of BinBag the Whaler.
Q: What do you call cattle with a sense of humor? A: Laughing stock.
Where do rabbits settle their legal disputes? In a pellet court!
There is three kids sitting at the lunch table one day. One kid ask what do you call a mixed baby? One replies a zebra,another replies a mistake and the third one replies. Rape