Who robs banks and squirts ink?
Billy the Squid.
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Chuck Norris once round house kicked a bear while on a survival trek in Siberia.
That incident was known as the Tunguska event.
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Why was the young kangaroo thrown out by his mother?
For smoking in bed.
One day Jane met Tarzan in the jungle. She was very attracted
to him and during her questions about his life she asked him
how he managed for sex.
"What's that?" he asked.
She explained to him what sex was and he said, "Oh, I use a
hole in the trunk of a tree."
Horrified, she said, "Tarzan, you have it all wrong. I'll
show you how to do it properly."
She took off her clothes,
laid down on the ground and spread her legs wide.
"Here," she
said, "You must put it in here."
Tarzan removed his loincloth, stepped closer and then gave her
an almighty kick, right in the crotch.
Jane rolled around in agony.
Eventually she managed to gasp,
"What the hell did you do that for?"
"Checking for bees!" said Tarzan.
Baby Rabbit: "Mommy, where did I come from?"
Mother Rabbit: "I ll tell you when you re older."
Baby Rabbit: "Oh, Mommy, please, tell me now."
Mother Rabbit: "If you must know, you were pulled from a magician's hat."
Why did a gambler scare everyone out swimming?
He was a card shark.
Q: What did the cow say to the other cow?
A: Moo.
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What did the bunny say when he only had thistles to eat?
Thistle have to do.
A husband and wife are eating soup.
The wife spills soup all over her and says:
"Oh no, I look like a pig"
"Yes and you also have soup all over you!"
I heard my tire thumping, I thought it was flat.
When I looked at my tire I discovered your cat.
Sorry...
During camouflage training in Louisiana, a private disguised as a tree trunk had made a sudden move that was spotted by a visiting general.
"You simpleton!" the officer barked.
"Don't you know that by jumping and yelling the way you did, you could have endangered the lives of the entire company?"
"Yes sir," the solder answered apologetically.
"But, if I may say so, I did stand still when a flock of pigeons used me for target practice.
And I never moved a muscle when a large dog peed on my lower branches.
But when two squirrels ran up my pants leg and I heard the bigger say, "Let's eat one now and save the other until winter' - that did it!"