Q: What do you say when you meet a two-headed monster?
A: Hello, hello.
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Santa Claus arrives to a kindergarten and gives each child a present.
Everybody received really cool presents – racing car models, ship models and similar.
But one kid got only a pair of socks.
A kid comes to him and teases him with his received brand new Formula 1 model and laughs at this socks-kid:
LHey, what a shitty present you have received, look at my super car" said the kid offensively.
"So what, at least I don't have cancer…"
Billy: What a pair of strange socks you're wearing, one is green and the other is blue with red spots!!
Drew: Yes, it's really strange.
I've got another pair just like that at home.
A woman gets onto a bus with her baby.
The bus driver says, "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen.
Ugh!"
The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming.
She says to a man next to her, "The driver just insulted me!"
The man says, "There's no call for that.
You go right up there and tell him off.
Go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."
What did the volcano say to the other volcano?
Stop erupting me.
Two guys meet:
"Where were you lost my friend? says one of them."
"Well, I took my kids to the zoo..."
"And what kind of animals did you see there?"
"The tiger... Huge and Scary! Full of stripes... Slowly walking inside the cage. She was “ahgrrr...”
"Are you kidding me men? The tiger doesn’t go “ahgrrr..” … She “grrrrsss..”!
"Right, ok.. But when you get too close to her face... !"
When Chuck Norris wants to burn calories, he throws fat kids into a camp fire.
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Two little boys go into the grocery store.
One is nine, one is four.
The nine year old grabs a box of tampons from the shelf and carries it to the register for check-out.
The cashier asks "Oh, these must be for your mom, huh?"
The nine year old replies "Nope, not for my mom."
Without thinking, the cashier responded "Well, they must be for your sister then?"
The nine year old quipped, "Nope, not for my sister either."
The cashier had now become curious "Oh. Not for your mom and not for your sister, who are they for?"
The nine year old says "They’re for my four year old little brother."
The cashier is surprised "Your four year old little brother?"
The nine year old explains: "Well yeah, they say on TV if you wear one of these you can swim or ride a bike and my little brother can’t do either of them!"
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Son: "Dad, I'm cold..."
Dad: "Stand in a corner, they're usually ninety degrees!"
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He was so ugly when he was born they didn’t know whether to buy a cot or a cage.
When Chuck Norris wants to burn calories, he throws fat kids into a camp fire.
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