Joke #3077

Q. Why do golfers carry two pairs of trousers with them? A. Just in case they get a hole in one.
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Using only a black king, Chuck Norris defeated the world-champion grand-master in chess.
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Q: Why did the bodybuilder cross the road? A: He didn't. There's no walking on leg day.
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Golf: A five-mile walk punctuated with disappointments.
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A boxer goes to a doctor complaining of insomnia. ‘Have you tried counting sheep?’ asks the doctor. ‘It doesn’t work,’ replies the boxer. ‘Every time I get to nine, I stand up.’
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Dad shouts: "Stop watching porn, I can hear it in my room!" Son: "Dad.. I'm not watching porn, that is Maria Sharapova playing Tennis!"
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Golfer: "Do you think my game is improving?" Caddy: "Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now."
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Chuck Norris once went sky diving, he did not use a parachute. The spot he landed on is now known as the Grand Canyon.
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Two guys on a double bike where pedaling up a hill. It took forever to get to the top. When they finally got to the top the first guy said in a pant, "Whew, that was so hard." The second replied, "If I hadn't been pushing the brakes the whole time we would have rolled down backwards."
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A group from Chicago spent a weekend gambling in Las Vegas. One of the men on that trip won $100,000. He didn't want anyone to know about it, so he decided not to return with the others, but took a later plane home - arriving back 3 a.m. He immediately went out to the backyard of his house, dug a hole and planted the money in it. The following morning he walked outside and found only an empty hole. He noticed footsteps leading from the hole to the house next door, which was owned by a deaf-mute. On the same street lived a professor who understood sign language and was a friend of the deaf man. Grabbing his pistol, the enraged man went to awaken the professor and dragged him to the deaf man's house. "You tell this guy that if he doesn't give me back my $100,000 I'm going to kill him!" he screamed at the professor. The professor conveyed the message to his friend, and his friend replied in sign language, "I hid it in my backyard, underneath the cherry tree." The professor turned to the man with the gun and said, "He's not going to tell you. He said he'd rather die first."
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Q: How do the Dallas Cowboys spend their first week at spring training? A: Studying their Miranda Rights.
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