What’s the hardest thing about learning to ice skate? The ice.
Two man playing golf were held up by two women playing in front of them. One man said: "I'll walk up to them and tell them to hurry up." When he returned he said: "I have a problem, one of the women is my wife and the other one is my mistress." The second man said: "I'll walk up to them and hurry them up." He came back and said: "We both have the same problem.”
A Yankee walks into a bar in Alabama and orders a cosmopolitan. The bartender looks at the man and says, "You're not from 'round here are ya?" "No" replies the man, "I'm from New Hampshire." The bartender looks at him and says, "Well what do you do in New Hampshire?" "I'm a taxidermist," says the man. The bartender looks bewildered, so the man explains, "I mount dead animals." The bartender stands back and hollers to the whole bar, "It's OK, boys! He's one of us!"
In primitive society, when native tribes beat the ground with clubs and yelled, it was called witchcraft. In today’s civilized society, it is called golf.
Marathon runners with bad shoes suffer the agony of de feet. Squash
Hey babe, let's play football! You can have first down. High five!
Chuck Norris once went sky diving, he did not use a parachute. The spot he landed on is now known as the Grand Canyon.
Q: Why do rednecks like having sex doggie style? A: That way they can both watch wrestling.
Why did the man keep doing the backstroke? He’d just had lunch and didn’t want to swim on a full stomach!
Chuck Norris holds the world record for most push ups done in a hour, the number is all of them.
"I felt a lump in my mouth as the ball went in." - Terry Venables.