What does a spider do when he gets angry?
He goes up the wall!
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A man drives to a gas station and has his tank filled up.
The gas pumper spots two penguins sitting in the back seat of the car.
He asks the driver, "What's up with the penguins in the back seat?"
The man in the car says "I found them.
I asked myself what to do with them, but I haven't had a clue."
The clerk ponders a bit then says, "You should take them to the zoo."
"Hey, that's a good idea," says the man in the car and drives away.
The next day the man with the car is back at the same gas station.
The clerk sees the penguins are still in the back seat of the car.
"Hey, they're still here!
I thought you were going to take them to the zoo."
"Oh, I did," says the driver, "And we had a swell time.
Today I am taking them to the beach."
How does a leopard change its spots?
When it gets tired of one spot it just moves to another.
Three blondes were walking through a field when they came across a set of tracks.
The first blonde looked down at the tracks and said, "I think they could be bird tracks."
The second blonde went to look and said, "No, I think these are deer tracks."
They stepped aside and the third blonde went over to the tracks.
She looked down, then got run over by the train!
What are cat-erpillars afraid of?
Dog-erpillars.
Me: Hey look its Nemo!
Worker: Sir, that's a clown fish.
Me: Bitch, that's a Nemo!
What do you call a cow that fell in a hole?
A hole-y Cow.
What purrs along the road and leaves holes in the lawn?
A Moles Royce.
Why don't lobsters share?
They re shellfish.
Question: What do you get when you cross a shark and a parrot?
Answer: a creature that talks your ear off.