What does a spider do when he gets angry?
He goes up the wall!
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Johnny was playing outside when he really had to go to the bathroom.
He runs in and his grandma was about to take a shower.
He looks at her crotch and says, "Whats that?" She says: "Well, it's a beaver, Johnny."
The next day the same thing happens, only his mom is taking the shower.
He says: "Mom I know what that is. It's a beaver, but I think grandma's is dead because it's tongue is hanging out."
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What is a moo hoo for a cow that fell into the thresher?
Ground round.
If Chuck Norris were a cat he would have ten lives.
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What did one slug say to another who had hit him and rushed off?
I ll get you next slime.
Why did the skunk buy four boxes of tissues?
Because he had a stinking cold.
Once Odhiambo a dark kenyan man was travelling to london by air sitting next to a white lady with his pet monkey.
Oodhiambo stood up and went to the washrooms and when he came back he found his bunch of bananas missing.
He asked the white lady "Sorry your brother here ate them all" she said while patting the monkey.
After a while the lady got up and went to the washroom to come back and find his pet monkey dead
She inquired on the matter, Odhiambo camly replied "I killed it."
"Why?" asked the lady.
He replied "This is family matter it doesnt concern you."
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Why did the chicken cross the road?
So he can make you curious.
How do you stop a skunk from smelling?
You hold his nose!
A New Zealander walking along the road with a sheep under each arm.
He meets another New Zealander who says "you sheerin' mate?" and the first guy replies "naw, they're all mine"