What does a spider do when he gets angry?
He goes up the wall!
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I had to get rid of my husband.
The cat was allergic.
An elderly couple was just settled down for bed when the old man realized he left the lights on in the greenhouse in the back yard.
Then they heard voices.
Three men had broken into the greenhouse.
Scared, they called the police.
The dispatcher replied, he would send an officer as soon as one became available as they were all out on calls.
The old man waited for a few minutes and called Dispatch again.
He told Dispatch, "Don't worry about sending an officer, I shot the robbers and now the dogs are eating their bodies!"
In no time at all, police were all over the place and captured the robbers red-handed!
One of the cops asked the old man, "I thought you said you shot the robber and your dogs were eating them.
" The old man replied, "I thought you said, there weren't any officers available."
What is a moo hoo for a cow that fell into the thresher?
Ground round.
What fur do we get from a tiger?
As fur as possible!
Q: What will a giraffe do, if you spit in its face?
A: It will kick off your ladder…
The Teacher asked Little Johnny,
"How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?"
Little Johnny replied, "Just Don't bite any."
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Q: Did you hear the Energizer Bunny Was Arrested?
A: Charged With Battery.
Chuck Norris doesn't play dead for bears, bears play dead for Chuck Norris.
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What do you call a penguin in the desert?
Lost!
Little Johnny's teacher said,
"Johnny, your essay on My Dog is exactly the same as your sister's."
Did you copy hers?, she asked.
Johnny replied, "No, teacher, it's the same dog!"
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