What does a spider do when he gets angry? He goes up the wall!
A Koala and a Prostitiute had just finished having sex, so the Prostitute said, " All right, now give me my money!" The Koala replied, " Money, what for?" " What for?", the Prostitute growled, "Look up Prostitute in the dictionary and read what it says." So the Koala looked up prostitute in the dictionary. It said, "Prostitute- A woman who is paid to have sex." " Okay," said the Koala, " now you look up Koala in the dictionary, and read what it says." So the Prostitute looked up Koala in the dictionary. It said, "Koala- A furry animal who eats bush, then leaves."
What do you call a chicken that crosses the road without looking both ways? "Dead."
What do you call explosive cow vomit? A cud missle.
Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.
How did the rabbit become a wrestling champion? It had a lot of hare pins.
What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down? It gets toad away.
What do you get if you cross a teddy bear with a pig? (A teddy boar!)
Q: What is red and black? A: A sunburnt zebra.
Why did the bareback performer ride his horse? Because it got too heavy to carry.
A snail starts a slow climb up the trunk of an apple tree. He is watched by a sparrow who can't help laughing and eventually says "Don't you know there aren't any apples on the tree yet?" "Yes," said the snail, "but there will be by the time I get up there."