Joke #309

What does a spider do when he gets angry? He goes up the wall!
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has 31.97 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal

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Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account? They were prime mates.
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has 53.03 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: animal, IT
A cat died and went to heaven. St. Peter said to the cat, "Is there anything I can do to make your stay here better?" The cat said, "I've been sleeping on a cold floor and I'd love a warm pillow to sleep on. St. Peter gave a pillow to the cat, and the cat headed off to bed. Later, some mice came to St. Peter. They wanted roller skates to get around faster so St. Peter gave them their skates and the mice went off. The next evening St. Peter checks in on the cat. "How was your night last night?" The cat said "That pillow you gave me is really nice, but what I like the most about heaven is the Meals on Wheels."
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has 49.00 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: animal, cat, food, heaven
What’s the difference between cats and dogs? Dogs have owners, cats have staff.
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has 56.84 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: animal
This little snail bought a little car and took it to the body shop to have it painted. The service man asked him exactly what he wanted done, and the snail said he wanted little's s painted all around and all over his car. The service man asked him why, and the snail answered "When people see me in my car I want them to say, look at that S-Car-Go!"
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has 64.88 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal, car
For our daughters 5th birthday we bought her a rabbit. We couldn’t help laughing when on the way she announced "the rabbit’s name is Sparingly." "How do you know?" I asked "look" she responded "it says “feed sparingly 3 times daily."
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has 54.26 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: animal
What do cows do when they re introduced? They give each other a milk shake.
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has 53.58 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: animal
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a millionaire? A bunny with money.
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has 47.37 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal, money
What two members of the cow family go everywhere with you? Your calves.
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has 58.75 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal, family
What did the dog say to the hot dog bun? "Are you pure bred?"
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has 26.98 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: animal
A man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will tell everyone how smart and brave you are and how you are my hero" The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will be your loving companion for an entire week." The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for a year and do ANYTHING you want." Again the man took the frog out, smiled at it, and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a year and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The man said, "Look, I'm a computer programmer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool."
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has 79.75 % from 476 votes. More jokes about: animal, beauty, computer, IT, programmer