What does a spider do when he gets angry?
He goes up the wall!
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Why was the young kangaroo thrown out by his mother?
For smoking in bed.
A salesman is talking to a farmer when he looks over and sees a rooster wearing pants, a shirt, and suspenders.
He says, “What the hell is that all about?”
The farmer says, “We had a fire in the chicken coop and all his feathers got singed off, so the wife made him some clothes to keep him warm. There ain’t nothing funnier than watching him try to hold down a hen with one foot and get his pants down with the other.”
The last time Chuck Norris was hungry, all the dinosaurs suddenly got extinct...
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Chuck Norris doesn't just bring home the bacon, he brings home the whole pig.
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A man and his little boy were walking through the park when a honeybee landed near them.
The boy ran over and stomped on it. The father gave him a lecture about having respect for living things and added, "Just for that you can’t have any honey for two weeks!"
Pretty soon a butterfly landed near them.
The boy ran over and stomped on it.
Again, the father gave him a lecture and added, "Just for that you can’t have any butter for two weeks!"
When they got home, they went into the kitchen, and a cockroach ran across the floor.
The mother ran over and stomped on it.
The boy said to his father, "Well do you want to tell her, or shall I?"
How does a frog confuse you?
When he comes out and says he needed that nap and feels much better.
Q: What's the difference between a dog and a fox?
A: About eight beers.
How does a group of dolphin's make a decision?
Flipper coin.