What kind of noise annoys an oyster?
A noisy noise annoys an oyster.
(Try saying that fast!)
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The mouse and the elephant stay on the trunk of a smitten tree.
Near them passes the giraffe, who asks them:
Who pulled out this tree from his root?
Me off course, says the mouse, but the elephant helped a bit.
Q: What do you call a car only British animals can drive?
A: OxFord.
Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.
Q: What's meaner than a pit bull with herpes?
A: The guy who gave it to him.
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A man has a racehorse, never won a race.
Man in disgust says, "Horse, you win today or you pull a milk wagon tomorrow morning."
The starting gate opens, the horses take-off, they move the gate away and there lays his horse asleep on the track.
He kicks the horse and asks, "Why are you sleeping?"
The horse, half asleep says, "I have to get up at three in the morning."
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Owls say.
Owls say who?
Yep, that they do.
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Q: What did the apple say to the worm?
A: You're boring me.
Why couldn't the rabbit fly home for Easter?
He didn't have the hare fare.
Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse are in divorce court.
"Mickey," the judge says, "I'm sorry. I can't grant you a divorce on the grounds of insanity. Minnie seems quite sane to me."
"I didn't say she was insane," exclaims Mickey. "I said she was f**king Goofy."
Bert took his Saint Bernard to the vet.
"Doctor," he said sadly, "I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to cut off my dog's tail."
The vet stepped back, "Bert, why should I do such a terrible thing?"
"Because my mother-in-law's arriving tomorrow, and I don't want anything to make her think she's welcome."
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