What kind of noise annoys an oyster?
A noisy noise annoys an oyster.
(Try saying that fast!)
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Little Johnny walks in on his mother in the bathtub.
He asks his mother what is the big fuzzy patch below her bellybutton.
She replies, "A bush."
The next day Little Johnny walks in on his father while he's in the shower.
He asks, "What is that big long thing hanging between your legs?"
His father replies, "It is a snake."
A few days later, Little Johnny walks in on his mother, once again in the bathtub. He asks, "What are those two baggy things hanging above your bellybutton?" She replies, "Headlights."
A couple weeks go by and the little boy walks in on his parents having sex.
He yells, "Mom, turn on your headlights! The snake is crawling into your bush!"
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Three blondes were walking through the forest when they came upon a set of tracks.
The first blonde said, “Those are deer tracks.”
The second blonde said, “No those are elk tracks.”
The third blonde said, “You’re both wrong, those are moose tracks.”
The blondes were still arguing when the train hit them.
Emma: So, what kind of tracks were they?
Lara Rabbit: "Do you think that's Sophie's natural color?"
Zara Rabbit: "Only her hare dresser knows for sure."
Look over there! Said the frightened skunk to his pal.
"There's a human with a gun, and he's getting closer and closer! What are we going to do?"
To which the second skink calmly replied, "Let us spray ."
What do you call a dumb bunny?
A hare brain.
It is better to enter the mouth of a tiger than a court of law.
What is the slowest racehorse in the world?
A clotheshorse.
An elephant goes to a camel and says why have you got a pair of tits on your back, the camel then replies that's a funny question coming from someone with a dick on their face.
What did the lions say to his cubs when he taught them to hunt?
Don't go over the road till you see the zebra crossing.
I’ve never understood why women love cats.
Cats are independent, they don’t listen, they don’t come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, and when they’re home they like to be left alone and sleep.
In other words, every quality that women hate in a man they love in a cat.