What kind of noise annoys an oyster?
A noisy noise annoys an oyster.
(Try saying that fast!)
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A man meets a gorgeous woman in a bar.
They talk, they connect, and they end up leaving together.
They get back to her place, and as she shows him around, he notices that her bedroom is completely packed with teddy bears.
Hundreds of small bears are on a shelf all the way along the floor, medium sized ones are on a shelf a little higher, and huge bears are on the top shelf along the wall.
The man is kind of surprised by the collection, especially because it’s so extensive, but he decides not to mention this to her.
She turns to him…they kiss…then they rip each other’s clothes off and romp around the room all night.
After an intense night of passion, as they are lying there together in the afterglow, the man rolls over and asks, smiling, “Well, how’d I do?”
The woman says, “You can have any prize from the bottom shelf.”
Q: What is a black cat's favorite color?
A: Purrrrrr-ple!
What happened to the tiger who took a bath three times a day?
After a week he was spotless.
Why didn't the teddy bear eat his lunch?
(Because he was stuffed!)
Q: Why are tigers religious?
A: Because they prey frequently, and prey as a family!
What do you give a deer with an upset stomach?
Elkaseltzer.
Why can’t elephants go on the beach?
Because they can’t keep there trunks up.
I once had a goldfish that could break-dance on a carpet, but only for like 20 seconds.
When Chuck Norris wants salmon he eats the bear too.
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