What kind of noise annoys an oyster?
A noisy noise annoys an oyster.
(Try saying that fast!)
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What do you get if you cross a woodpecker with a carrier pigeon?
A bird who knocks before delivering its message !
What is a moo hoo for a cow that fell into the thresher?
Ground round.
A man has a racehorse, never won a race.
Man in disgust says, "Horse, you win today or you pull a milk wagon tomorrow morning."
The starting gate opens, the horses take-off, they move the gate away and there lays his horse asleep on the track.
He kicks the horse and asks, "Why are you sleeping?"
The horse, half asleep says, "I have to get up at three in the morning."
There was a man driving a pickup truck down a country road, when suddenly he was broad sided by a trailer truck.
Some time went by, and the case got to court.
The defense attorney said to the plaintiff, "How can you be suing my client now when you told a trooper after the accident that you felt fine?"
The man replied. "Well sir, it was like this. We was driving down the road, minding our own business, when a big trailer truck came out of nowhere and creamed us. When I came to, I was in the ditch, and a trooper was pulling up with his car. He looked at the hogs, and they was most dead, so he shot them. Then he looked at my dog, and he was hurt real bad, so he shot him."
Then he came over to me and he said, "How you feeling?"
I said, "I never felt better in my life."
How do jockeys determine which racehorses are the favourites?
They take a gallop poll!
In India, cows wait until Chuck Norris crosses the street.
Vote:
What do you call a show full of lions?
The mane event.
Q: What do you call a cow playing with its self?
A: Beef stroganoff.
Q: How does a blonde kill a worm?
A: She burys it.