What kind of noise annoys an oyster?
A noisy noise annoys an oyster.
(Try saying that fast!)
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You might kill two birds with one stone, but Chuck Norris kills two stones with one bird.
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When Chuck Norris was a baby he didnt have teddy bears. He had real bears.
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What kind of cows do you find in Alaska?
Eski-moos.
Your mamas feet are so scaly you can see crocodile dundy in her foot bath.
Three women escape from prison….one is a redhead, one a brunette, and one a blonde.
They run for miles until they come upon an old barn; they decide to hide in the hayloft and rest.
When they climb up, they find three gunnysacks and decide to put them over their heads for camouflage.
About an hour later the sheriff and his deputy come into the barn. T
he sheriff tell his deputy to go up and check out the hayloft.
When he got up there the sheriff asked him what he saw.
The deputy told him just three gunnysacks.
The sheriff told him to find out what was in them…..so the deputy kicked the first bag, which had the redhead in it……and she went “Bow-wow.”
So the deputy told the sheriff there was a dog in the first one.
Then he kicked the one with the brunette in it and she went “Meow.”
The deputy told the sheriff there was a cat in the second one.
Then he kicked the one with the blonde in it and there was no sound at all, so he kicked it again and the blonde said
“Potatoes.”
Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.
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A farmer brought his daughter a little pot-belly pet pig.
She called it "Stinky" when she played with it out in the yard, but she called it "Ballpoint" when it was in the sty.
"Tell me," asked her father, "Why do you have two names for your pig?"
"That’s easy," she replied, "Ballpoint is just his pen name."
As horses say to one another.
Any friend of yours is a palomino!