Why is polar bear cheap to have as a pet?
It lives on ice.
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Two skunks observed a deer hunter sneaking through the woods with a rifle.
"I hope he's not going to shoot at us," said one skunk.
The second skunk bowed his head and said, "Let us spray."
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A blind man with an assistance dog was getting ready to cross the street.
When the dog took him across he almost got ran over by the traffic and the cars where sliding everywhere to avoid hitting him.
When he got to the other side, he took out a treat to give to the dog.
A spectator who saw what happened couldn't believe his eyes.
He ran over to the blind man and said, "Sir, why are you rewarding that dog, he almost got you killed?"
The blind man replied, "I'm trying to find his head so I can kick his ass!"
What is the best advice to give a worm?
Sleep late.
Chuck Norris doesn't scroll with a mouse.
He uses a lion.
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Q: What does a cow make when the sun comes out?
A: A shadow.
What happened to the lost cattle?
Nobody's herd.
What kind of cars do rabbits drive?
Hop rods.
What's wet and wiggly and says how do you do sixteen times?
Two octopuses shaking hands.
What do you call a cow that doesn't give milk?
A milk dud.
A blond a, a brunette and a redhead were at the top of a cliff looking down at the beach.
Suddenly a genie appears to them and says "I will grant you each one wish if you'll jump off the side of this cliff."
So the redhead jumps off and shouts "Seagull" and turns into a seagull and flies away.
Then the brunette jumps off and shouts "Whale" and turns into a whale, falls into the sea and swims away.
Finally the blond runs towards the cliff edge, but trips at the last second, as as she falls she shouts out "Shit"