Why is polar bear cheap to have as a pet? It lives on ice.
What do a rattlesnake and a soft penis have in common? You can't f**k with either one.
Chuck Norris is the most feared predator on the planet. That's why sharks have a Chuck Norris week.
What's a moo hoo for a cow barn on a holiday? A merry dairy.
Q: What's the difference between a dead skunk lying in the road and a dead lawyer lying in the road? A: There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
Why couldnt the teddy bear eat any more thanksgiving dinner? He was already stuffed!
Why do female black widow spiders kill the males after mating? To stop the snoring before it starts.
What does the fox say? Whatever the hell Chuck Norris tells him to.
What has four legs and goes, "Oom! Oom!"? A cow walking backwards.
They say animal behavior can warn you when an earthquake is coming. Like the night before that last earthquake hit, our family dog took the car keys and drove to Arizona.
I once had a goldfish that could break-dance on a carpet, but only for like 20 seconds.