Two lawyers are walking down the road when they see a beautiful woman walking towards them.
‘What a babe,’ one says.
‘I’d sure like to screw her!’
‘Really?’ replies the other.
‘Out of what?’
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Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
A: His lips are moving
At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness. “Isn’t it true,” he bellowed, “that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?”
The witness stared out the window, as though he hadn’t heard the question.
“Isn’t it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?” the lawyer repeated.
The witness still did not respond.
Finally, the judge leaned over and said, “Sir, please answer the question.”
“Oh,” the startled witness said, “I thought he was talking to you.”
The town’s local council remarks that the best lawyer in town never made a donation to charity tendency.
To convince him, the mayor calls him in his office:
Sir, I remarked that you’re revenue reached a number of $600.000.
With all these, you never made a donation to the charity...
If you looked into my files, did you also remark that my mother is sick, and the medicaments she needs exceed her funds?
No... answers mayor.
In second place, my brother, war veteran, is condemned in a wheelchair and he’s blind.
The mayor started apologizing, but was interrupted:
And more, my sister died into a car accident and left tree children orphans.
Stunned, the mayor says:
I didn’t know, please accept my apologies...
But the lawyer continues:
I don’t see why I should give you any money, if I don’t ever give them money...
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?
A: Clothes.
What do lawyers wear to court?
Lawsuits!
How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
His lips are moving.
Having lawyers make laws is like having doctors make diseases.
A prominent lawyer calls a plumber to fix a leak in his shower.
After about 25 minutes the plumber hands him a bill for $200.00.
The lawyer, enraged, says:
“I’m a famous trial lawyer, and even I don’t make that kind of money for 25 minutes work!”
“Neither did I when I was a lawyer”, says the plumber.
Terrorists take a group of lawyers hostage.
They ask for a ransom of $20 million and threaten to release one lawyer at a time if not given what they ask for.
Q: How many corporate attorneys does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Who knows, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
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