Joke #310

What would happen if tarantulas were as big as horses? If one bit you, you could ride it to hospital!
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has 23.34 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: animal, hospital

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A woman and her friend are visiting the zoo. They are standing in front of the big silver back gorillas cage when one woman makes a gesture that the gorilla interprets as an invitation. He grabs her, yanks her over the fence, and takes her to his nest in the pen. There he ravishes her and makes passionate love to her for about 2 hours till he is tranquilized, and the lady taken to hospital. Her friend, deeply concerned, visits her the next day. “Are you hurt?” she asks. She replies, “Of course I’m hurt! He hasn’t called! He hasn’t written!”
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has 80.13 % from 220 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty, hospital, love, women
Mohan (to the doctor): "Doctor, can you diagnose my Illness?" Doctor: "Your eyesight seems to be poor." Mohan: "How did you come to that conclusion?" Doctor: "You seemed to have missed noticing the sign, hung outside. This is a veterinary hospital."
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has 77.29 % from 106 votes. More jokes about: animal, doctor, health, hospital, life
Q: Where does a kangaroo go that can't hop? A: Hopspital.
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has 50.29 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: animal, hospital
What band is a cow favorite? Moody Blues.
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has 50.70 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: animal, music
How did the farmer find his lost cow? He tractor down.
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has 66.60 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: animal, car, travel
LaShaunda had just given birth to a daughter and discussed possible names with her hospital roommate, LaQoowanga. LaShwanda mentioned a name she had heard in the doctor's office, "Vagina". When the hospital personnel asked her what name to put on the birth certificate, LaShaunda said "Vagina". "You can't name your baby that!" "Don't disrespect me! I be her mama. I can names her anything I want." When the hospital person tried to explained what the name meant, LaShaunda said, "No, No! that's a cootchie!"
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has 13.71 % from 110 votes. More jokes about: baby, disgusting, hospital
A man goes into the hospital for a vasectomy. Before the procedure a very attractive nurse comes in and takes his vitals, then tells him to take all of his clothes off. When he is fully undressed she instructs him to lie down on the table. The man obeys. The nurse then takes all of her clothes off and climbs on top and has her way with him. Upon the completion of the act the man catches his breath and asks what that was all about. The nurse informs the patient that studies have shown that before a vasectomy if the man has an ejaculation, he will be more relaxed and that the vasectomy is easier for the surgeon to locate and sever, thereby making the surgery safer, more efficient and quicker. The nurse then wheels the patient to the operating room. While they are going down the hall the patient looks through a window to the right and sees six men in a room masturbating. Curious, the man ask “What are they doing in there”? The nurse responds, “They are getting vasectomies too, but you have Blue Cross and they have Obama Care..”
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has 74.19 % from 262 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, dirty, health, hospital, masturbation
Where do you find a down-and-out octopus? On squid row.
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has 62.61 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: animal
Patient: "I’m in a hospital! Why am I in here?" Doctor: "You’ve had an accident involving a bus." Patient: "What happened?" Doctor: "Well, I’ve got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first?" Patient: "Give me the bad news first." Doctor: "Your legs were injured so badly that we had to amputate both of them." Patient: "That’s terrible! What’s the good news?" Doctor: "There’s a guy in the next ward who made a very good offer on your slippers."
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has 59.51 % from 57 votes. More jokes about: dirty, doctor, hospital
What's black and white and rolls down the Boardwalk? A nigger and a seagull fighting over a French Fry.
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has 52.29 % from 178 votes. More jokes about: animal, black people, food