Joke #310

What would happen if tarantulas were as big as horses? If one bit you, you could ride it to hospital!
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has 23.34 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: animal, hospital

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A woman and her friend are visiting the zoo. They are standing in front of the big silver back gorillas cage when one woman makes a gesture that the gorilla interprets as an invitation. He grabs her, yanks her over the fence, and takes her to his nest in the pen. There he ravishes her and makes passionate love to her for about 2 hours till he is tranquilized, and the lady taken to hospital. Her friend, deeply concerned, visits her the next day. “Are you hurt?” she asks. She replies, “Of course I’m hurt! He hasn’t called! He hasn’t written!”
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has 79.78 % from 216 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty, hospital, love, women
Mohan (to the doctor): "Doctor, can you diagnose my Illness?" Doctor: "Your eyesight seems to be poor." Mohan: "How did you come to that conclusion?" Doctor: "You seemed to have missed noticing the sign, hung outside. This is a veterinary hospital."
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has 77.29 % from 106 votes. More jokes about: animal, doctor, health, hospital, life
Q: Where does a kangaroo go that can't hop? A: Hopspital.
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has 50.29 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: animal, hospital
Peter: "Your secretary is very sexy..." Tony: "Thanks! It's a robot actually, named 'Maria'. If you squeeze her right boob, she takes dictation & if you squeeze her left boob, she types letters! I'll Lend it to you for a day & you can see her functions..." Next day Peter called Tony from hospital & shouted: "You bastard!" You didn't tell me that the "HOLE" between Maria's legs is a pencil sharpener.
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has 80.07 % from 1203 votes. More jokes about: hospital, sex, technology
Q: What is a crowbar? A: A place were crows go to get a drink!
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has 63.17 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: animal, bar
Chuck Norris donated his heart to a hospital... twice.
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has 63.96 % from 115 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, hospital
A man is strolling past the mental hospital and suddenly remembers an important meeting. Unfortunately, his watch has stopped, and he cannot tell if he is late or not. Then, he notices a patient similarly strolling about within the hospital fence. Calling out to the patient, the man says, "Pardon me, sir, but do you have the time?" The patient calls back, "One moment!" and throws himself upon the ground, pulling out a short stick as he does. He pushes the stick into the ground, and, pulling out a carpenter's level, assures himself that the stick is vertical. With a compass, the patient locates north and with a steel ruler, measures the precise length of the shadow cast by the stick. Withdrawing a slide rule from his pocket, the patient calculates rapidly, then swiftly packs up all his tools and turns back to the pedestrian, saying, "It is now precisely 3:29 pm, provided today is August 16th, which I believe it is." The man can't help but be impressed by this demonstration, and sets his watch accordingly. Before he leaves, he says to the patient, "That was really quite remarkable, but tell me, what do you do on a cloudy day, or at night, when the stick casts no shadow?" The patient holds up his wrist and says, "I suppose I'd just look at my watch."
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has 79.74 % from 131 votes. More jokes about: hospital, men, time, weather
Q: What does an elephant use as tampon? A: A sheep.
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has 51.13 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: animal, disgusting, elephant
Bloke in hospital with 60% burns, Dr. says, "Give him two Viagra." Nurse asks, "Do you think that will help?" Dr replies, "No but it will keep the sheets off his legs!"
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has 78.12 % from 194 votes. More jokes about: dirty, hospital, medical, nurse, viagra
What job do rabbits at hotels have? Bellhop.
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has 54.59 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: animal