What do you get when you mix human DNA with goat DNA? Kicked out of the petting zoo.
A precious little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?" As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees, so that he's on her level, and asks, "Do you want a widdle white wabby or a thoft and fuwwy back wabby or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabby over there?" She, in turn blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice, "I don't fink my pet python weally gives a thit.
Where do you find a down-and-out octopus? On squid row.
I saw some ducks practicing their teenage girl faces at the pond today.
Q: What does a twelve-pound mouse say to a cat? A: ‘Here Kitty, kitty, kitty’!
Q: What's the difference between a dead skunk lying in the road and a dead lawyer lying in the road? A: There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is it naked or homeless?
Q: What goes "oom... oom"? A: A cow walking backward!
There was a man driving a pickup truck down a country road, when suddenly he was broad sided by a trailer truck. Some time went by, and the case got to court. The defense attorney said to the plaintiff, "How can you be suing my client now when you told a trooper after the accident that you felt fine?" The man replied. "Well sir, it was like this. We was driving down the road, minding our own business, when a big trailer truck came out of nowhere and creamed us. When I came to, I was in the ditch, and a trooper was pulling up with his car. He looked at the hogs, and they was most dead, so he shot them. Then he looked at my dog, and he was hurt real bad, so he shot him." Then he came over to me and he said, "How you feeling?" I said, "I never felt better in my life."
What's a moo hoo for a bunch of weirdo cattle? A nerd herd.
What do you call a cow on a trampoline? A milkshake.