Golfer: "Well, I have never played this badly before!"
Caddy: "I didn't realize you had played before, sir!"
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Yo mamma so small she uses a Dorito for a hang lider.
Coach: Your roommate and the captain of the team reported that you have many bad words for me in your sleep!
So do you abuse me in your sleep!
Football Player: Coach, It is just not true!
Coach: What is not true, I trust the captain and I am asking this in front of him!
Football player: Coach, It is untrue that I was sleeping!
Two NBA basketball referees were walking through the countryside and they noticed some tracks.
The first said, "Deer tracks?"
"No," replied the second, "Bear tracks."
The conversation ended abruptly when the train hit them.
There was a tragic end to the water polo championships – all the horses drowned.
Why do men need instant replay on TV sports?
Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.
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A man rushes into his house and yells to his wife, "Martha, pack up your things.
I just won the California lottery!"
Martha replies, "Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?"
The man responds, "I don't care.
Just so long as you're out of the house by noon!"
A blind man was describing his favorite sport - parachuting.
When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him: "I am placed in the door and told when to jump.
My hand is placed on my release ring for me, and out I go."
"But how do you know when you are going to land?" he was asked.
"I have a very keen sense of smell and I can smell the trees and grass when I am 300 feet from the ground," he answered.
But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival on the ground?" he was again asked.
He quickly answered "Oh, the dog's leash goes slack."
Q:Why is basketball the grossest sport there is?
A:Because they dribble all over the court.
"I felt a lump in my mouth as the ball went in." - Terry Venables.