Golfer: "Well, I have never played this badly before!"
Caddy: "I didn't realize you had played before, sir!"
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A couple of years ago the english national team was about to start training in preparation for an important qualifying match when the manager at the time, Sven-Goran Eriksson, discovered a big turd in one of the penalty areas on the practice pitch.
Ok boys, he said, who's shit on the ground?
Emile Heskey replied:
"Me coach, but I'm good in the air!"
Why is there no mexican olympics?
Because everyone who can run, jump, or swim is already across the boarder.
Two alpinists on a mountain:
One of them falls in a crack, the other jumps at the hole and screams after the other one:
Are you hurt?
Noooooo! He hears.
How come?
I’m still fallinnnnnnn!
Q. Why do golfers carry two pairs of trousers with them?
A. Just in case they get a hole in one.
Q:What's the hardest thing about learning to play tennis?
A:Telling your parents that your gay!
Q: Why can women play hockey?
A: Because they have to change their pads after every period.
What games do ants play with elephants?
Squash!
Using only a black king, Chuck Norris defeated the world-champion grand-master in chess.
Vote:
Q: How did the pirate become a boxing champion so fast?
A: Nobody was ready to take on his right hook.
The seven dwarves are down in the mines when there is a cave-in.
Snow White runs to the entrance and yells down to them.
In the distance a voice shouts out "Charlton are good enough to win the European Cup."
Snow White says "Well at least Dopey's alive!"