Golfer: "Well, I have never played this badly before!" Caddy: "I didn't realize you had played before, sir!"
A foursome is waiting at the men's tee when another foursome of ladies are hitting from the ladies tee. The ladies are taking their time and when finally the last one is ready to hit the ball she hacks it about 10 feet, goes over to it, hacks it another ten feet and looks up at the men waiting and says apologetically "I guess all those fucking lessons I took this winter didn't help." One of the men immediately replies, "No, you see that's your problem. You should have been taking golf lessons instead."
What's a bee's favourite sport? Rugbee.
Chuck Norris won gold for sitting in the crowd at the olympics.
What’s the hardest thing about learning to ice skate? The ice.
What season is it when you are on a trampoline? Spring time.
Jamaica has named Usain Bolt its Sportsman of the Year. In related news, the island has also made Michael Phelps an honorary citizen.
There was a school about learning roundhouse kicks. No one finished it. Why? Chuck Norris kicked them with a roundhouse kick. It's his only weakness so no one must know how to do Roundhouse Kick!
There are these two guys named John and Cliff. They were best friends and were so obsessed with baseball that they would go to 60 games a year and analyze every scoreboard. They even promised each other that when one of them goes to heaven, the deceased one would come back and tell the other whether there was baseball in heaven or not. One night Cliff dies in his sleep after watching a Chicago White Sox game — Chicago won, so at least he died a happy man. The next day Cliff returns to earth to see his friend. "Hi, John.”" "Cliff, is it really you?" "Hey, I told you I’d be back to tell you what’s up. And, you know John, there’s good news and bad news." "Okay. What’s the good news?" "There is baseball in heaven." "The bad news?" "You’re pitching tomorrow night."
Why is someone who borrows money but does not pay it all back like a football player? Because sometimes he gives you a quarter back and sometimes a half back.