Why are old socks good for golf? Because they have eighteen holes.
Q: What's the difference between basketball and sex? A: In basketball you dribble before you shoot!
Peter: Why was the Olympian not able to listen to music? Matthew: Why? Peter: Because he broke the record!
Why do men need instant replay on TV sports? Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.
Q: What do you get when you combine a Starbucks and Yoga class? A: I don't know, but there's probably a hipster close by.
Did you hear John McEnroe went for an audition for the latest Harry Potter film? They turned him down, saying "You cannot be Sirius!"
Why did the referee have such a high phone bill? Because he made to many calls!
Why are football stadiums always cool? "Because they're full of fans."
An old man and his wife have gone to bed. After laying there a few minutes the old man farts and says,"Seven Points." His wife rolls over and says, "What in the world was that?" The old man replied, "It's fart football!" A few minutes later the wife lets one go and says - "Touchdown, tie score!" After about five minutes the old man farts again and says - "Touchdown, I'm ahead 14 to 7!" Not to be out done the wife rips another one and says, - "Touchdown, tie score!" Five seconds go by and she lets out a squeaker and says - "Fieldgoal, I lead 17 to 14!" Now the pressures on and the old man refuses to get beat by a woman so he strains real hard but to no avail. Realizing a defeat is totally unacceptable he gives it everything he has but instead of farting he poops the bed. The wife looks and says, "What the heck was that?" The old man replied, "Half-time, Switch sides!"
Q: What did the basketball say when he got deflated? A: "Oh balls."
"I felt a lump in my mouth as the ball went in." - Terry Venables.