Why are old socks good for golf?
Because they have eighteen holes.
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Did you hear about the man who won the gold medal at the Olympics?
He had it bronzed.
Question: What should a man do if his wife runs into the room during a baseball match and keeps disturbing you?
Answer: Shorten the chain.
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A couple of Yogi Berra's team mates on the Yankees ball club swear that one night the stocky catcher was horrified to see a baby toppling off the roof of a cottage across the way from him.
Yogi dashed over and made a miraculous catch - but then force of habit proved too much for him.
He straightened up and threw the baby to second base.
On the ninth day, God said, "Let there be soccer."
And it was good.
Later on that day, God said, "Let there be one team to rule the others and set the standard for excellence."
God said, "Let it be called the Manchester United."
Later that day, God said, "Even Man U needs idiots." So HE made their fans.
Q: How can you tell if a University of Tennessee football player is married?
A: There is tobacco spit on both sides of his pickup truck.
Q: Why did the bodybuilder cross the road?
A: He didn't. There's no walking on leg day.
What does a nigress and an ice hockey player have in common?
They both change their pads after 3 periods.
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Why did the football coach flood the pitch?
Because he wanted to bring on the sub!
Aladdin has been banned from the magic carpet race.
Apparently he's been using performance enhancing rugs...