Why doesn’t Mexico have an Olympic team? All the Mexicans who can run, jump or swim are already in the USA.
Q: What do the World Series and bears on birth control have in common? A: No Cubs
Yo' Mama is so fat, people use her butt cheeks for a ski slope.
Q: How is the Easter Bunny like Michael Jordan? ´ A: They're both famous for stuffing baskets!
A rookie pitcher was struggling at the mound, so the catcher walked up to have a talk with him. "I've figured out your problem," he told the young southpaw. "You always lose control at the same point in every game." "When is that?" "Right after the National Anthem."
Q: What do you get when you combine a Starbucks and Yoga class? A: I don't know, but there's probably a hipster close by.
Q: What did the blonde say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA? A: "Look! They spelled MACY's wrong!"
Q: Where is the first baseball game in the Bible? A: In the big inning. Eve stole first, Adam stole second. Cain struck out Abel. The Giants and the Angels were rained out.
These two hunters went moose hunting every year without success. Finally they came up with a foolproof plan. (emphasis on fool) They got themselves a very authentic cow moose costume and learned the mating call of a cow moose. The plan was to hide in the costume, lure in the bull, then come out of the costume and shoot the bull. So, they set themselves up on the edge of a clearing, in their costume, and began to give the moose love call. Before too long their call was answered by bull in the forest. They called again, the bull answered closer to them. They called again, The bull answered, and came crashing out of the forest and into the clearing. As the bulls' pounding hoof beats got closer the guy in front said, "OK, lets get out and get him"! After a moment, that seemed like an eternity, the guy in the back shouts - "THE ZIPPER IS STUCK, WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO!?!" The front guy says, "Well, I'm gonna start nibbling grass, but you better start to "brace yourself!"
A blind man was describing his favorite sport - parachuting. When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him: "I am placed in the door and told when to jump. My hand is placed on my release ring for me, and out I go." "But how do you know when you are going to land?" he was asked. "I have a very keen sense of smell and I can smell the trees and grass when I am 300 feet from the ground," he answered. But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival on the ground?" he was again asked. He quickly answered "Oh, the dog's leash goes slack."