How to catch a polar bear:
Go up north and find a frozen lake or pond.
Cut a large hole in the ice.
Open a can of green peas, and place the peas around the edge of the hole single file.
Hide behind a nearby rock.
When the bear comes up to take a pea, kick him in the ice-hole!
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Yesterday my daughter was playing in the garden when I saw her kill a butterfly.
So to teach her a lesson I said, "Just for that you don't get any butter for a month."
Today in the kitchen she killed a cockroach. I said, "Nice try."
Gemma:My dog doesn't have a nose.
Ortoise: How does he smell?
Gemma: Awful!
Did you hear about the overweight man who took up horse riding as exercise?
The horse lost 15 pounds in a week!
Q: Why are dogs such bad dancers?
A: They have two left feet.
Q: What do you get when you cross a rooster with a jar of peanut butter?
A: A cock that sticks to the roof of your mouth.
Giraffes were invented when Chuck Norris laid an uppercut to a horse.
Vote:
How much money did the bronco have?
Only a buck!
Jim and Lena were driving around the countryside when they ran over a skunk.
"We better take the skunk to the vet, Lena.
Just put the skunk between your legs to keep it warm."
"But, Jim, what about the smell?"
"Don't worry, Lena. The skunk will get used to it."
Vote:
Why did the horses kept saying orange juice?
Because a filly gulped to much orange juice that she turned orange!