How to catch a polar bear:
Go up north and find a frozen lake or pond.
Cut a large hole in the ice.
Open a can of green peas, and place the peas around the edge of the hole single file.
Hide behind a nearby rock.
When the bear comes up to take a pea, kick him in the ice-hole!
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How are skunks able to avoid danger?
By using their instinks and common scents.
What do you get if you cross a teddy bear with a pig?
(A teddy boar!)
What two members of the cow family go everywhere with you?
Your calves.
What do you call a gay dinosaur?…… Mega-sore-ass.
A turtle was walking down an alley in New York when he was mugged by a gang of snails.
A police detective came to investigate and asked the turtle if he could explain what happened.
The turtle looked at the detective with a confused look on his face and replied "I don't know, it all happened so fast."
How many skunks do you need to make a house really smelly?
Just a phew.
Q: What do you get when you cross a collie with a trumpet?
A: A Lassie who plays brassie!
What happens when you put the batteries in BACKWARDS in the Energizer Bunny?
He keeps coming and coming and coming...
Vote:
What's the definition of a nervous breakdown?
A chameleon on a tartan rug.
During camouflage training in Louisiana, a private disguised as a tree trunk had made a sudden move that was spotted by a visiting general.
"You simpleton!" the officer barked.
"Don't you know that by jumping and yelling the way you did, you could have endangered the lives of the entire company?"
"Yes sir," the solder answered apologetically.
"But, if I may say so, I did stand still when a flock of pigeons used me for target practice.
And I never moved a muscle when a large dog peed on my lower branches.
But when two squirrels ran up my pants leg and I heard the bigger say, "Let's eat one now and save the other until winter' - that did it!"