Joke #3111

How to catch a polar bear: Go up north and find a frozen lake or pond. Cut a large hole in the ice. Open a can of green peas, and place the peas around the edge of the hole single file. Hide behind a nearby rock. When the bear comes up to take a pea, kick him in the ice-hole!
Vote: has 22.18 % from 6 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

A blind man with an assistance dog was getting ready to cross the street. When the dog took him across he almost got ran over by the traffic and the cars where sliding everywhere to avoid hitting him. When he got to the other side, he took out a treat to give to the dog. A spectator who saw what happened couldn't believe his eyes. He ran over to the blind man and said, "Sir, why are you rewarding that dog, he almost got you killed?" The blind man replied, "I'm trying to find his head so I can kick his ass!"
Vote: has 74.21 % from 31 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal
Why did the tadpole feel lonely? Because he was newt to the area.
Vote: has 66.71 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal
Why did the moron give the sleepy cow a hammer? He wanted her to hit the hay!
Vote: has 48.26 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal
A man walks into his house with a duck under his arm. He walks up to his wife with it and says, "This is the pig I've been f*cking'." His wife says, "That's a duck." He quickly replies, "I wasn't talking to you."
Vote: has 62.91 % from 162 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, dirty, wife
Curiosity didn't kill the cat. Chuck Norris did.
Vote: has 73.44 % from 30 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, death
A fellow always wanted to own a pet skunk, so in the dead of winter, he took his girlfriend with him to go hunting for one. After a bit of waiting, they bagged a skunk and brought him back to the truck. The skunk was very scared and very cold, so the guy asks his girlfriend if she can keep the skunk between her legs to keep him warm. "But what about the smell?" asks his girlfriend. "Oh, he'll get used to it, just like I did."
Vote: has 31.97 % from 28 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, disgusting, hunting, relationship
Why are rabbits like calculators? They both multiply a lot.
Vote: has 60.56 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, math
Lion wakes up in the jungle and finds that a tool is missing, he goes to elephant and asks "Have you seen my tool?" Elephant replies: "What does it look like?" Lion: "Well it's got four points on it." Elephant: "Sorry, I haven't seen it, try mouse." So the Lion goes to the mouse and asks "Have you seen my tool?" Mouse: "What does it look like?" Lion: "Well it's got four points on it." Mouse: "Sorry mate, I've not seen it, try croc." So the lion proceeds to the crocodile and asks "Have you seen my tool?" Croc: "What does it look like?" Lion: "Well it's got four points on it." Croc: "Sorry I've not seen it, try Jaguar." So the lion goes to Jaguar and asks "Have you seen my tool?" Jaguar: "Of course, I ate it." Lion: "Why did you do that?" Jaguar: "Well I'm a four point tool eater Jaguar."
Vote: has 62.22 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal
Two men were walking along the street when they came upon a dog licking his dick. One man said, "I sure wish I could do that." The other replied, "You can, but you're probably going to have to pet him first."
Vote: has 18.69 % from 7 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal
A man walks into a bar, after buying a beer he looks around the bar and sees three men and a dog playing cards. Amazed, the man wanders over and starts watching the game. Aftere watching the game for ten minutes, the man leans over to one of the other player's and whispers " Wow, that's a really smart dog!". The man whispers backs "He isn't that smart, every time he gets a good hand, he wags his tail!"
Vote: has 60.16 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, bar, dog, game