A tourist wanders into a back-alley antique shop in San Francisco's Chinatown.
Picking through the objects on display he discovers a detailed bronze sculpture of a rat.
The sculpture is so interesting and unique that he picks it up and asks the shop owner the price.
"Twelve dollars for the rat, sir," says the shop owner, "and an extra thousand dollars more for the story behind it."
"You can keep the story, old man," he replies, "but, I'll take the rat."
The transaction complete, the tourist leaves the store with the bronze rat under his arm.
As he crosses the street in front of the store, two live rats emerge from a sewer drain and fall into step behind him.
Nervously looking over his shoulder, he begins to walk faster, but every time he passes another sewer drain, more rats come out and follow him.
By the time he's walked two blocks, at least a hundred rats are at his heels, and people begin to point and shout.
He walks even faster, and soon breaks into a trot as multitudes of rats swarm from sewers, basements, vacant lots, and abandoned cars....following him.
Rats by the thousands are at his heels, and as he sees the waterfront at the bottom of the hill, he panics and starts to run full tilt.
No matter how fast he runs, the rats keep up, squealing hideously now not just thousands but millions, so that by the time he comes racing to the water's edge a trail of rats twelve city blocks long is behind him.
Making a mighty leap, he jumps up onto a light post, grasping it with with one arm, while he hurls the bronze rat into San Francisco Bay with the other, as far as he can throw it.
Pulling his legs up and clinging to the light post, he watches in amazement as the seething tide of rats surges over the breakwater into the sea, where they drown.
Shaken and mumbling, he makes his way back to the antique shop.
"Ah sir, you've come back for the rest of the story," says the owner.
"No," says the tourist, "I was just hoping you had a bronze sculpture of a lawyer!"
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A young lawyer says to ones of his colleagues:
-A lawyer is the freest creature in the world.
He’s not dependent of nothing except of his clients, his colleagues, judge and of the High Court...!
Q: Why are there so many lawyers in the U.S.?
A: Because St. Patrick chased the snakes out of Ireland.
A reporter outside of a courtroom asked a defendant clad only in a barrel: “Oh, I see your attorney lost the case!”
The defendant answered, “No, we won.”
Q: And do you have a locker in that room?
A: Yes sir, I do.
A lawyer has just settled down in his new office.
So now, he is thinking what he can do to have clients.
After a long time thinking, a man comes into the office.
Right away, the lawyer decides to make his new plan take action.
So he picks up the phone and says: "Unfortunately, Ms. Onassis, I cannot undertake your case right now. I am working full time, call me in a month to see if I can help you."
He puts the phone down and says to the waiting man: "How can I help you sir?"
"Nothing really, I am from telephone communications, I just came to connect your phone."
An old man was on his death bed.
He wanted badly to take all his money with him.
He called his priest, his doctor and his lawyer to his bedside.
"Here’s $30,000 cash to be held by each of you. I trust you to put this in my coffin when I die so I can take all my money with me."
At the funeral, each man put an envelope in the coffin.
Riding away in a limousine, the priest suddenly broke into tears and confessed that he had only put $20,000 into the envelope because he needed $10,000 for a new baptistery.
"Well, since we’re confiding in each other," said the doctor,
"I only put $10,000 in the envelope because we needed a new machine at the hospital which cost $20,000."
The lawyer was aghast. "I’m ashamed of both of you," he exclaimed.
"I want it known that when I put my envelope in that coffin, it held my personal check for the full $30,000."
A mother and son were walking through a cemetery, and passed by a headstone inscribed ‘Here lies a good lawyer and an honest man.'
The little boy read the headstone, looked up at his mother, and asked "Mommy, why did they bury two men there?"
How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
Two.
One to change it and one to keep interrupting by standing up and shouting "Objection!"
Two attorneys went into a diner and ordered two drinks.
Then they produced sandwiches from their briefcases and started to eat.
The owner became quite concerned and marched over and told them, “You can’t eat your own sandwiches in here!”
The attorneys looked at each other, shrugged their shoulders and then exchanged sandwiches.