Joke #4041

What’s the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer? A good lawyer knows the law, a great lawyer knows the judge.
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has 74.43 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: lawyer

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An engineer, a physicist, and a lawyer were being interviewed for a position as chief executive officer of a large corporation. The engineer was interviewed first, and was asked a long list of questions, ending with "How much is two plus two?" The engineer excused himself, and made a series of measurements and calculations before returning to the board room and announcing, "Four." The physicist was next interviewed, and was asked the same questions. Before answering the last question, he excused himself, made for the library, and did a great deal of research. After a consultation with the United States Bureau of Standards and many calculations, he also announced "Four." The lawyer was interviewed last, and was asked the same questions. At the end of his interview, before answering the last question, he drew all the shades in the room, looked outside the door to see if anyone was there, checked the telephone for listening devices, and asked "How much do you want it to be?"
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has 72.32 % from 86 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, math
An incompetent attorney can delay a trial for months or years. A competent attorney can delay one even longer.
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has 48.26 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a terrorist? A: Terrorists have sympathisers.
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has 51.70 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, terrorist
There was a lawyer and he was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, “You’re beautiful!” and then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side. A couple minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he said “You’re cute!” Well, the wife was disappointed because instead of “beautiful” it was “cute.” She said “What happened to ‘beautiful’?” His reply was “The drugs are wearing off!”
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has 62.50 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: beauty, drug, lawyer, wife
Q: How can you tell if a lawyer is well hung? A: You can't get a finger between the rope and his neck!
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has 51.67 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: dirty, lawyer
What do you call 5,000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A good start.
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has 36.90 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
A barber gave a haircut to a priest one day. The priest tried to pay for the haircut, but the barber refused, saying, “you do God’s work.” The next morning the barber found a dozen bibles at the door to his shop. A policeman came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused to pay, saying, “you protect the public.” The next morning the barber found a dozen doughnuts at the door to his shop. A lawyer came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused payment, saying, “you serve the justice system.” The next morning the barber found a dozen lawyers waiting for a free haircut.
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has 84.59 % from 174 votes. More jokes about: god, lawyer, money, priest, work
What’s the difference between a female lawyer and a pit bull? Lipstick.
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has 50.45 % from 9 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
Q: WITH YOUR LIFE? Let me ask you this then officer--do you have a locker room in the police station--a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties? A: Yes sir, we do.
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has 26.16 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
For three years, the young attorney had been taking his brief vacations at this country inn. The last time he'd finally managed an affair with the innkeeper's daughter. Looking forward to an exciting few days, he dragged his suitcase up the stairs of the inn, then stopped short. There sat his lover with an infant on her lap! "Helen, why didn't you write when you learned you were pregnant?" he cried. "I would have rushed up here, we could have gotten married, and the baby would have my name!" "Well," she said, "when my folks found out about my condition, we sat up all night talkin' and talkin' and decided it would be better to have a bastard in the family than a lawyer."
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has 70.39 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: baby, family, holiday, lawyer, marriage