What’s the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?
A good lawyer knows the law, a great lawyer knows the judge.
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What can a goose do, a duck can’t, and a lawyer should?
Stick his bill up his rear.
What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.
What do you call a bus full of lawyers going over a cliff with three empty seats?
A total waste of space!
A young lawyer says to ones of his colleagues:
-A lawyer is the freest creature in the world.
He’s not dependent of nothing except of his clients, his colleagues, judge and of the High Court...!
It is better to enter the mouth of a tiger than a court of law.
Q: Why does California have the most lawyers, and New Jersey, the most toxic waste dumps?
A: New Jersey got first pick.
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?
A: The lawyer charges more.
Why God did made the snake before lawyers?
To exercise.
Q: What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
A: Not enough sand.
Vote:
A man was summoned to court for punching his lawyer.
During the process, the Judge asked him to explain his actions.
"Your Honor," replied the defendant, "that man represented me in a bitter divorce.
One day he said my property settlement hearing was about to be held.
The judge would decide that afternoon what I would get, and what Rose would get.
My lawyer told me I didn't have to be present and "not to worry."
"I can't see why you'd punch a man for that," interrupted the judge.
"Wait, there's more...
When I asked my attorney later about the settlement, he told me to look on the bright side.
I asked why.
Then he said, "Because everything's coming up Rose's."
"THAT'S when I hit him!"