A woman goes into a sporting goods store to buy a rifle. "It`s for my husband," she tells the clerk.
"Did he tell you what gauge to get?" asked the clerk.
"Are you kidding?" she says.
"He doesn`t even know that I`m going to shoot him!"
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Q: How did the pirate become a boxing champion so fast?
A: Nobody was ready to take on his right hook.
Bill and Earl are out playing golf.
They get to the 17th tee, which overlooks a small lake, and see two guys out on the lake fishing.
Bill says, "Hey Earl check out these two idiots fishing' in the rain!"
Seth: "Why is basketball the messiest Olympic sport?"
Will: "I don't know."
Seth: "Because the players dribble all over the court!"
Zeke: Why were the swimming elephants thrown out of the Olympics?
Kyle: I haven't a clue.
Zeke: Because they couldn't keep their trunks up!
Q: Why do goalkeepers spend ages on the Internet?
A: Because they can't stop saving their work.
A true story, according to the LA Times.....
Coach Frank Layden of the Utah Jazz asked forward Jeff Wilkins, "Is your bad play due to ignorance or apathy?"
Wilkins replied, "I don't know and I don't care!"
Q: What's the difference between basketball and sex?
A: In basketball you dribble before you shoot!
A couple of pigeons made a date to meet on the ledge on the tenth floor of a skyscraper.
The female was there on time, but the male arrived an hour late.
"Where were you? I was worried sick."
"It was such nice day, I decided to walk."