What king of money do fishermen make?
Net profits!
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John asks his wife, Mary, what she wants to celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary.
“Would you like a new Mink Coat?” he asks.
“Not really,” says Mary.
“Well how about a new Mercedes sports car?” says John.
“No,” she responds.
“What about a new vacation home in the country?” he suggests.
She again rejects his offer with a, “No thanks.”
Frustrated he finally asks, “Well what would you like for your anniversary?”
“John, I’d like a divorce,” answers Mary.
John thinks for a moment and replies “Sorry dear, I wasn’t planning to spend that much.”
Why don't cows ever have any money?
Because the farmers milk them dry.
A woman was telling her friend , "It was I who made my husband a millionaire."
"And what was he before you married him?" asked the friend.
The woman replied, "A multi-millionaire".
Q: Why is a blood bank more profitable than a sperm bank?
A: The sperm is handmade.
A man was telling his wife that he wanted to go to this country in which women paid men twenty dollars every time they had sex.
She replied, "I do too!"
He gets confused and asks why.
She tells him, "I'd like to see how long you can last on forty dollars a month."
It is so cold outside I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.
John: "Hey can I borrow some money? I'm broke."
Michael: "Get money from your job."
John: "I got fired."
Michael: "Why?"
John: "My boss told me to leave all my problems behind the door, so I told him to stand outside."
Michael: "This is why we are friends."
Vote:
If George Washington were alive today, why couldn't he throw a silver dollar across the Potomac?
Because a dollar doesn't go as far as it used to.
A 60-year-old millionaire has just married a 20-year-old model.
‘You crafty old devil,’ says his friend.
‘How did you manage to get a lovely young wife like that?’
‘Easy,’ replies the millionaire.
‘I told her I was 95.’
A man walks into a New York City bank and says he wants to borrow $2,000 for three weeks.
The loan officer asks him what kind of collateral he has.
The man says "I've got a Rolls Royce -- keep it until the loan is paid off -- here are the keys."
The loan officer promptly has the car driven into the bank's underground parking for safe keeping, and gives the man $2,000.
Three weeks later the man comes into the bank, pays back the $2,000 loan, plus $10 interest, and regains possession of the Rolls Royce.
The loan officer asks him, "Sir, if I may ask, why would a man who drives a Rolls Royce need to borrow two thousand dollars?"
The man answers, "I had to go to Europe for three weeks, and where else could I store a Rolls Royce for that long for ten dollars?"