John it’s alright muttering a few words in the church and finding yourself married, but if you mutter a few words in your sleep you might find yourself divorced.
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What's the quickest way to lose 190 pounds of ugly fat?
Divorce him.
Dad: Hey son want to hear a joke?
Son: Yeah!
Dad: Pussy.
Son: I don't get it.
Dad: Exactly...
How is a man like a snowstorm?
You don't know when he's coming, how many inches you'll get, or how long it'll stay.
Why are men like laxatives?
They can irritate the s**t out of you.
What usually happens when a man puts his best foot forward?
It ends up in his mouth.
A man walks into a clock shop where a beautiful woman is working.
He walks to the counter unzips his fly and pulls out his cock.
The woman screams "excuse me sir this is a CLOCK SHOP".
I know replied the man "I want two hands and a face put on this".
How do men sort their laundry?
"Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable".
A man visits his doctor with celery stalks stuck in each ear and a carrot stick up each nostril.
He mumbles, "Doc, I'm just not feeling well."
The doctor replies, "Maybe you're not eating right."
Why is sleeping with a man like a soap opera?
Just when it's getting interesting, they're finished until next time.