How do you know if your man is dead? The sex is the same, but there's less ironing.
A young woman walks into a bar and sits down next to a man wearing a cowboy hat. "Excuse me sir but are you a real cowboy?" The man says, "Well I have a ranch and horses. I go to rodeos and raise cattle and other livestock, so yes I suppose I'm a real cowboy." The woman says, "Well I think I'm a l*sbian. Women are always on my mind whether I'm working eating driving or whatever its still the same. I cant get women off my mind. Yes I think I'm a l*sbian." The young woman gets up and leaves the coffee shop. A short time later a young guy comes in and sits down next to the man and asks him, "Sir are you a real cowboy?" To that the man replies, "Well I always thought I was, but just a few minutes ago I found out I'm a l*sbian!"
What did God say after creating man? I can do better.
Boy: "Do you like parties?" Girl: "Yes, why?" Boy: "Well then jump in my pants and have a ball!"
Do you know why bankers are good lovers? They know first hand the penalty for early withdrawal.
Q: What do you call a group of men found drowned in a wine vat? A: The Grape-full Dead!
How do men define a "50/50" relationship? We cook-they eat; we clean-they dirty; we iron-they wrinkle.
Why didn't the husband change the baby for a week? Because the text on the nappies package said "18-40 lbs".
A guy walks into an antique store and buys a grandfather clock, he walks out of the shop with it and accidentally walks into a drunk guy. (they both fall over and the clock gets smashed to bits) The guy says to the drunk, "Why don't you watch where your going?" and the drunk says, "Why don't you carry a wrist watch like everybody else?"
What's the best way to force a man to do sit-ups? Put the remote control between his toes.
Why do men need instant replay on TV sports? Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.