Joke #7944

If men got pregnant.... abortion would be available in convenience stores and drive-through windows.
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has 54.59 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: men

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A guy has a talking dog. He brings it to a talent scout. "This dog can speak English," he claims to the unimpressed agent. "Okay, Sport," the guys says to the dog, "what’s on the top of a house?" "Roof!" the dog replies. "Oh, come on..." the talent agent responds. "All dogs go ‘roof’." "No, wait," the guy says. He asks the dog "what does sandpaper feel like?" "Rough!" the dog answers. The talent agent gives a condescending blank stare. He is losing his patience. "No, hang on," the guy says. "This one will amaze you. " He turns and asks the dog: "Who, in your opinion, was the greatest baseball player of all time?" "Ruth!" goes the dog. And the talent scout, having seen enough, boots them out of his office onto the street. And the dog turns to the guy and says "Maybe I shoulda said DiMaggio?"
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has 54.59 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: men
What is a man's definition of safe sex? A padded headboard.
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has 57.36 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: men
Q: Why do liberals travel in threes? A: One to read, one to write and the other one to keep an eye on both intellectuals.
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has 64.78 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: men, travel
A man comes home from a tough day of work looking to unwind. After a relaxing dinner with his wife, they retired to bed. So, both go to their separate beds, however the man was not yet ready to slumber. The man called over to his wife, "My little boopey-boo, I'm lonely." So the woman gets out of bed and crosses the room to the husband. On the way she trips on the carpet and falls on her face. The husband with a concerned look on his face says, "Oh, did my little honey-woney fall on her little nosey-wosey?" The woman gets up and enters the man's bed. The two make passionate love and afterwards the women rolls out. As she is returning to her bed, she once again catches her foot on the carpet and falls flat on her face. The man looks over his shoulder at his wife lying on the floor and says, "Clumsy idiot."
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has 53.58 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: food, husband, men, wife, work
John it’s alright muttering a few words in the church and finding yourself married, but if you mutter a few words in your sleep you might find yourself divorced.
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has 17.55 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: men
Boy: "You know unlike all these other guys, I can make you really happy" Girl: "Why are you leaving?"
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has 66.10 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: flirt, mean, men, women
A young woman buys a mirror at an antique shop, and hangs it on her bathroom door. One evening, while getting undressed, she playfully says, "Mirror, mirror, on my door, make my bustline forty four". Instantly, there is a brilliant flash of light, and her breasts grow to enormous proportions. Excitedly, she runs to tell her husband what happened, and in minutes they both return. This time the husband crosses his fingers and says "Mirror, mirror on the door, make my penis touch the floor!". Again, there's a bright flash...and his legs fell off.
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has 58.75 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: men
Hi, I see that you're new to this gym, and I wanna be the first male to bother you.
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has 69.31 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: flirt, gym, men
A man wanted to become a monk so he went to the monastery and talked to the head monk. The head monk said, "You must take a vow of silence and can only say two words every three years." The man agreed and after the first 3 years, the head monk came to him and said, "What are your two words?" "Food cold!" the man replied. Three more years went by and the head monk came to him and said "What are your two words?" "Robe dirty!" the man exclaimed. Three more years went by and the head monk came to him and said, "What are your two words?" "I quit!" said the man. "Well," the head monk replied, "I am not surprised. You have done nothing but complain ever since you got here!"
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has 76.89 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: food, men, work
Q: Why all men say "Ladies first"? A: They want to watch their asses.
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has 81.31 % from 204 votes. More jokes about: beauty, dirty, men, women