What's the best way to force a man to do sit-ups?
Put the remote control between his toes.
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Q. Why did the woman bury her husband 12 feet under?
A. Because deep down he's a good person.
Men are like a fine wine.
They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something we'd want to have dinner with.
Q: How many men does it take to open a beer?
A: None, it better be open when she brings it to you.
What is a man's definition of safe sex?
A padded headboard.
What does a man consider a seven course meal?
A hot dog and a six pack.
What does a man call true love?
An erection.
Why do men like smart women?
Opposites attract.
A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: he’s allowed to say two words every seven years.
After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words.
"Cold floors," he says.
They nod and send him away.
Seven more years pass.
They bring him back in and ask for his two words.
He clears his throats and says, "Bad food."
They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass.
They bring him in for his two words.
"I quit," he says.
"That’s not surprising," the elders say.
"You’ve done nothing but complain since you got here."
Women prefer the simple things in life… like men.