What's the best way to force a man to do sit-ups?
Put the remote control between his toes.
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According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a women are their eyes.
And women say the first thing they notice about men is they're a bunch of liars.
Yo moma is so fat, and so nasty, when she sat down on the toilet, grown men fall out of her screaming "We're free! We're free!"
How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
Who knows? - It hasn't happened yet!!
How can you tell if a novel is homosexual?
The hero always gets his man in the end.
Q: Why do men fart louder than women?
A: because they have a microphone and two speakers.
Why are blonde jokes so short?
So men can remember them.
When God created the donkey, he said:"You’ll work day and night, and you’ll carry in your back heavy baggage. You’ll eat grass and you’ll have low IQ. You’ll be living for 50 years."
"But my God, 50 years is a lot of time for that kind of life! Give me only 30."
And so it happened.
Then, God created the dog:"As a dog, you’ll guard man’s property and you’ll be his staunch/loyal friend. You’ll eat their left overs and you’ll be living for 25 years."
"Oh, Mighty God. This kind of life is unbearable. Give me only 10 years to live, please."
And so it happened.
Then, God created the monkey:" You’ll jump around, tree to tree, and you’ll act like a fool so people can be entertained by you. You life will last 20 years."
"No, God, please! Don’t let me suffer for that long. Give only 10 years to live."
And so it happened.
Last, God created the Man:"You’re a Man. You’re the only sensible being on the planet earth. You’ll use your inteligence to dominance the other creatures. You’ll be in charge. You’ll life will last 20 years."
"But my one and only God, 20 years is not too long to achieve my goal. I beg you to give me the donkey’s 20 years, dog’s 15 years and monkeys 10 years."
And so it happen.
Since then men lives for 20 years as a man.
Then, he gets married and works as a donkey for 20 years by carrying heavy baggage night and day.
He haves children and lives as a dog, guarding the house and his property, eating family left overs.
And when he grows old, he lives like a monkey.
He’s his grandchildren entertainer by acting fool!
Question: How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
Answer: When she starts her sentence with, “A man once told me…”
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
ONE......He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.
A new bride was a bit embarrassed to be known as a honeymooner.
So when she and her husband pulled up to the hotel, she asked him if there was any way that they could make it appear that they had been married a long time.
He responded, "Sure.
You carry the suitcases!"