What's the best way to force a man to do sit-ups?
Put the remote control between his toes.
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Two cowboys come upon an Indian lying on his stomach with his ear to the ground.
One of the cowboys stops and says to the other, "You see that Indian?"
"Yeah," says the other cowboy.
"Look," says the first one, "he's listening to the ground. He can hear things for miles in any direction."
Just then the Indian looks up.
"Covered wagon," he says, "about two miles away. Have two horses, one brown, one white. Man, woman, child, household effects in wagon."
"Incredible!" says the cowboy to his friend. "This Indian knows how far away they are, how many horses, what colour they are, who is in the wagon, and what is in the wagon. Amazing!"
The Indian looks up and says, "Ran over me about a half hour ago."
Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.
Prospective husband: Do you have a book called "Man, The Master of Womem"?
Salesgirl: The fiction department is on the other side, sir.
Q. Why don't women blink during foreplay?
A. They don't have time.
A man has came over to his wife in a request.
She tells him to tie her to a bed and do whatever he wants.
3 hours later he is fucking hookers and watching football and porn with friend.
What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift to women?
Exchange him.
What do you call a take-out low-calorie meal for a cowboy?
A Saddle Light Dish.
Q: Why are there only snow men and not snow women?
A: Because only men are dumb enough to stand out in the snow without a coat.
Two men walked into a restaurant, the first one asks for tea.
The second also asks for tea.
"And make sure the glass is clean," he tells the waiter.
When the waiter returns with the two glasses of tea he asks, "Which one of you asked for the clean glass?"
Q: What do you get when you cross a penis and a potato?
A: A dic-tater.