What's the best way to force a man to do sit-ups?
Put the remote control between his toes.
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A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blond female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox.
She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back in the house.
A little later she came out and again went to the mail box, opened it and slammed it shut again.
Angrily, back into the house she went.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?" she replied, "There certainly is!
My stupid computer keeps saying, 'YOU'VE GOT MAIL.'"
How is Colonel Sanders like the typical male?
All he's concerned with is legs, breasts, and thighs.
Q: What would it be a good idea for you to do after a man takes your wife?
A: Let him keep her!
Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a few hours.
Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
Q:How many divorced men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:None, the sockets go with the house.
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How do some men define Roe vs. Wade?
Two ways to cross a river.
A guy is stranded on an island with only a Doberman and a pig for company.
There's plenty of food and water, and the weather is beautiful, so he's doing alright, but after a few months he gets lonely.
The pig starts to look more and more attractive, soft, pink flesh, round buttocks.
But every time this poor guy makes an advance towards the pig, the Doberman snarls at him and once almost bit his leg.
Very frustrating.
One day the guy sees a speck on the horizon, so he swims out there and it turns out to be a dinghy, cast adrift, and in the bottom of the boat is a beautiful woman, unconscious.
He drags her to shore and brings her into his hut and slowly nurses her back health.
Finally she is well enough to walk and she says to him "Thank you, thank you for saving my life. I don't know how I can ever repay you. I'll do anything for you, anything, just name it."
The guy thinks for a minute and says, "Would you mind taking my dog for a walk?"
Definition of a man with manners – he gets out of the bath to pee.
Why is it dangerous to tell the husband to go and change the son?
Two hours later he comes back with a baby girl.