Ladies and Gentlemen, if there is anybody here who is feeling, worried, nervous or apprehensive it is probably because you just married John.
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Q: How many men does it take to open a beer?
A: None, it better be open when she brings it to you.
Why were men given larger brains than dogs?
A.So they wouldn't hump women's legs at cocktail parties.
B.So they wouldn't stop to play with every other man they see when you take them around the block.
While reading the newspaper, Walter came across an article about a beautiful actress and model who married a boxer who was not noted for his IQ.
"I'll never understand," he said to his wife, "why the biggest jerks get the most attractive wives."
His wife replied: "Thank you, dear!"
I’ve know John a long time and am considered a bit of a father figure to him.
I have watched him crawl around on his knees, drink from a bottle and I’ve cleaned up after him but enough about the Bachelor Party.
Why can't single women fart?
They don't get an asshole till they get married.
Two men walked into a restaurant, the first one asks for tea.
The second also asks for tea.
"And make sure the glass is clean," he tells the waiter.
When the waiter returns with the two glasses of tea he asks, "Which one of you asked for the clean glass?"
Men are like......Bananas.
The older they get, the less firm they are
How do you save a man from drowning?
Take your foot off his head.
Boy: "Hi, my name is Milk. I'll do your body good."
Girl: "Sorry, I'm Lactose intolerant!"