Ladies and Gentlemen, if there is anybody here who is feeling, worried, nervous or apprehensive it is probably because you just married John.
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Men are like buses.
One comes every 15 minutes.
What is a man's idea of helping with housework?
Lifting his leg so you can vacuum.
Thanksgiving is the day men start getting in shape... to play Santa Claus.
How do men define a "50/50" relationship?
We cook-they eat; we clean-they dirty; we iron-they wrinkle.
Vote:
A man standing at a urinal notices that he's being watched by a midget.
"Wow," comments the midget. "Those are the nicest balls I have ever seen!"
Surprised and flattered, the man thanks the midget and continues to pee.
Suddenly, the midget pulls up a step ladder right next to the urinal and says, "Listen, I know this is a rather strange request, but as they're so admirable, I wonder if I could take a closer look."
Again the man is rather startled, but sees no real harm in it.
Just then, the midget reaches out, gets a tight grip on the man's balls, and says, "OK, hand me your wallet, or I'll jump off the ladder!"
Why did the blonde have a sore belly button?
Because there are blonde men too!
They put one man on the moon.
Why can’t they put them all there?
There is a beautiful desert island in the middle of nowhere where the following people are stranded:
2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman
2 French men and 1 French woman
2 German men and 1 German woman
2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman
2 English men and 1 English woman
2 Macedonian men and 1 Macedonian woman.
One month later on this beautiful desert island in the middle of nowhere...
The first Italian man killed the other for the Italian woman.
The 2 French men and the French woman are living happily together in a "menage a trois".
The 2 German men have a strict weekly schedule of when they alternate with the German woman.
The 2 Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them.
The 2 English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman.
The Macedonian men took one look at the endless ocean, one look at the Macedonian woman and started swimming.
Vote:
Husband: What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
Wife: Turn sideways and look in the mirror.