Joke #3151

Ladies and Gentlemen, if there is anybody here who is feeling, worried, nervous or apprehensive it is probably because you just married John.

Why does a man like love at first sight? It saves them a lot of time.

Men are like.....Vacations. They never seem to be long enough.

Lost my watch at a party once. Saw a guy stepping on it while sexually harassing a girl. I walked up to the dude, punched him straight in the nose. No one does that to a girl, not on my watch.

How does a man show he's planning for the future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.

The patient’s family gathered to hear what the specialists had to say. "Things don’t look good. The only chance is a brain transplant. This is an experimental procedure. It might work, but the bad news is that brains are very expensive, and you will have to pay the costs yourselves." "Well, how much does a brain cost?" asked the relatives. "For a male brain, $500,000. For a female brain, $200,000." Some of the younger male relatives tried to look shocked, but all the men nodded because they thought they understood. A few actually smirked. But the patient’s daughter was unsatisfied and asked, "Why the difference in price between male brains and female brains?" "A standard pricing practice," said the head of the team. "Women’s brains have to be marked down because they have actually been used."

What's the best way to force a man to do sit-ups? Put the remote control between his toes.

"What is the thickest book in the world? What Men Think They Know About Women."

Do you know why men have holes in the end of their penises? So oxygen can get into their brains.

A pirate was on his ship and his watchman comes to him and says, "1 enemy ship on the horizont." The captain says, "Bring me my red shirt, no men get injured or die." So the watchman comes to him and asks, "Why did you want your red shirt?" The captain says, "Because if i get injured they won't see and keep on fighting." So the watchman comes to him again and says, "20 enemy ships on the horizont." The captain says, "Bring me my brown pants."

Why does a man prefer blondes? Men always like intellectual company.