What do most men consider a gourmet restaurant?
Any place without a drive-up window.
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Yo moma is so fat, and so nasty, when she sat down on the toilet, grown men fall out of her screaming "We're free! We're free!"
What do men and sperm have in common?
They both have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being.
A plane is descending rapidly from the air, and the passengers are all scared stiff.
Suddenly a women near the front of the plane stands up and takes off her shirt.
She proceeds to yell, "Is there a man on this plane that can make me feel like a REAL woman before I die?!"
She continues to yell this for about ten minutes before a man in the very back takes a stand. He proceeds to say "Yeah I can make you feel like a woman."
He then takes off his shirt and throws it towards her and says, "Here! Iron this!"
Q: What is height of Stupidity?
A: A man looking through a keyhole of a glass door.
If Men Ruled the World... Laws:
Lifeguards could remove citizens from beaches for violating the "public ugliness" ordinance.
Car rental agencies would rent tanks.
Telephones would automatically cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.
It would be perfectly legal to steal a sports car as long as you returned it within 24 hours with a full tank of gas.
Get Out of Jail Free cards would be considered legal documents.
Q: Why all men say "Ladies first"?
A: They want to watch their asses.
Q: What would men do if they had breasts?
A: They'd stay at home and play with them all day.
What's the difference between an intelligent man and a UFO?
I don't know, I've never seen either one.
A man ask his wife, "What would you do if I won the lottery?"
Wife says, "I would take half and leave you".
Man says, "Great! I have won a tenner, here a fiver now f*ck off!