Joke #3187

A rookie police officer was assigned to ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner. A call came over the car's radio telling them to disperse some people who were loitering. The officers drove to the street and observed a small crowd standing on a corner. The rookie rolled down his window and said, "Let's get off the corner." No one moved, so he barked again, "Let's get off the corner!" Intimidated, the group of people began to leave, casting puzzled glances in his direction. Proud of his first official act, the young policeman turned to his partner and asked, "Well, how did I do?" "Pretty good," replied the veteran, "especially since this is a bus stop."

One day a man was stuck in bumper to bumper traffic, and he really had to take a s**t. So he got out of his car and went over to a bush and took a s**t in his hat. He couldn't leave his hat there because he had his name on it. He took his hat and on the way to his car he saw a police man. He covered the hat with his hand. The police officer came over and asked him what was in the hat. The guy said, "It's a hurt bird." The police officer said, "Let me see the bird." The man said, "I can't if I take my hand away it will fly away." The police officer said, "Let me see the bird." The man said, "I can't if I take my hand away it will fly away." They kept that up for about five minutes. Then the police officer got mad and asked him one more time. "Take your hand away and I will reach in really fast and the bird won't fly away!" The guy said, "Alright." And he slowly removed his hand. The police officer reached in and grabbed a handful of s**t and asked the man, "What is this?" The man replied, "You scared the s**t out of the bird."

A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads, "Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walk s to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas.

Crude & Rude Dude A man's driving happily along in his car when he's pulled over by the police. The policeman approaches him and asks "Have you been drinking Sir?" "Why?" asks the man, "have I got a fat chick in my car?"

You might be a redneck if a police officer pulls you over to ask for your driver's license and your address is the county jail.

A blonde was speeding in a 35 mile per hour zone when a local police officer pulled her over and walked up to the car. The officer also happened to be a blonde and she asked for the blonde's driver's license. The driver searched frantically in her purse for a while and finally said to the blonde policewoman, "What does a driver's license look like?" Irritated, the blonde cop said, "You dummy, it's got your picture on it!" The blonde driver frantically searched her purse again and found a small, rectangular mirror down at the bottom. She held it up to her face and said, "Aha! This must be my driver's license" and handed it to the blonde policewoman. The blonde cop looked in the mirror, handed it back to the driver and said, "You're free to go. And, if I had known you were a police officer too, we could have avoided all of this."

A guy who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road. A cop pulls him over. "So," says the cop to the driver, "Where have you been?" "Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk. "Well," says the cop, "It looks like you've had quite a few drinks this evening." "I did all right," the drunk says with a smile. "Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, "That a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?" "Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."

On a rural road a state trooper pulled this farmer over and said: "Sir, do you realize your wife fell out of the car several miles back?" To which the farmer replied: "Thank God, I thought I had gone deaf!"

Little Johnny's class were on an outing to their local police station where they saw pictures, of the ten most wanted men, tacked to a bulletin board. On the way out of the police station Little Johnny said to the officer, "It was so nice of you to put my daddy's picture up there."

A policeman spots a woman driving and knitting at the same time. Driving up beside her, he shouts out the window... "Pull over!" "No," she shouts back, "a pair of socks!"

A middle aged woman was driving through a school zone when a policeman pulled her over for speeding. As he was giving her the ticket, she said, “How come I always get a ticket and everyone else gets a warning? Is it my face?” “No, ma’am,” explained the officer, “it’s your foot.”