A young man was walking into town one day when a wood hauler gave him a ride.
After traveling about a mile or two, the truck was stopped by the highway patrol for a weight check and inspection.
The truck inspection revealed the truck had slick tires; no horn; no head, tail or signal lights; no windshield wipers.
Also, it was overloaded and had bad brakes.
"Mister," the patrolman said to the driver, "I think the best way to charge you is 'hauling wood without a truck.'"
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Driving to work, a gentlman had to swerve to avoid a box that fell out of a truck in front of him.
Seconds later, a policeman pulled him over for reckless driving.
Fortunately, another officer had seen the carton in the road.
The policmen stopped traffic and recovered the box.
It was found to contain large upholstery tacks.
"I'm sorry sir," the first trooper told the driver,
"but I am still going to have to write you a ticket."
Amazed, the driver asked for what.
The trooper replied, "Tacks evasion."
After 5 hours sitting in the bar, a man was in no shape to drive, wisely left his car parked and walked home.
As he was walking unsteadily along, he was stopped by a policeman.
"What are you doing out here at 2 am?", said the officer.
"I'm going to a lecture.", the man said.
And who is going to give a lecture at this hour?", the cop asked.
"My wife!!!" said the man.
Signs Your Cop Partner Needs A Vacation:
9. Every Tuesday he insists it's his turn to be the siren.
8. He wants to transfer to a K-9 unit because he thinks he'd look good in a collar.
7. He wants you to call him "Judge Dredd", and he insists that all suspects should be executed right there on the spot.
6. He talks to himself. Half of him is the "good cop", and the other half is the "bad cop".
5. He keeps asking you if his bullet proof vest makes him look fat.
4. He is exchanging donut recipes with complete strangers.
3. The perpetrators beg him to stop talking about his relationship troubles.
2. He wants to hear less talk and more music on the police channel.
1. He keeps handcuffing himself by accident!!
The cop got out of his car and the kid, who was stopped for speeding, rolled down his window.
“I’ve been waiting for you all day,” the cop said.
The kid replied, “Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.”
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
An old couple gets pulled over and...
Lady cop:"May I see you license and registration sir?"
Old man:"Ugh, what did she say?"
Old wife:"She needs to see you license and registration dear."
The old man hands it to the lady cop and...
Lady cop:"Oh, I see you are from New York. I used to have a lover from New York, he was the worst lover I ever had."
Old man:"Ugh, what did she say?"
Old wife:"Nothing dear, she thinks she used to know you."
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Things not to Say to the Cop Who Pulls You Over
10. Your so-called "speed limits" mean nothing to me flatfoot. I live my life one quarter-mile at a time.
9. You again? I thought I lost you at that last red light.
8. Aren't you going to strip search me, big boy?
7. I am not the droid you're looking for. You don't need to see my papers.
6. Darn! My radar detector must be broken again.
5. You better hurry up with that ticket. Dunkin' Donuts closes in 15 minutes.
4. You're not going to search my trunk are you?
3. How about you watch my friend Ben Franklin while I get my registration?
2. Sorry I was speeding officer, but your daughter said she had to be home by eleven.
1. Hey Barney! How are things in Mayberry?
How does the LAPD play poker?
Four clubs beat a king.
Q: What do u call a police officer that works in bed?
A: A undercover cop.
Two thieves each sneak into a rich man's party.
During dinner the thieves marveled at how even the cutlery was made of gold, and both decided they would try to steal some.
The first thief quietly slipped a golden spoon into his pocket, unaware that the second thief had witnessed this crime.
After dinner, the second thief comes up with a way to steal a golden spoon without suspicion being placed on him.
He picks up a golden spoon identical to the first and holds it up in front of the party-goers explaining he wishes to show them a magic trick.
"And now..." he speaks to the crowd and points towards the first thief,
"I will put this spoon into my pocket, and remove it from this gentleman here's own pocket!"
Drunk guy gets pulled over.
Officer starts doing sobriety tests on him.
The final test the officer says "if you can pass this last test I will let u go... use the words green pink and yellow in 1 sentence."
So the drunk man replies "My phone went green and I pinked it up and said yellow. Have a nice day officer!"
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