The top 20 things not to say to a cop when he pulls you over.
20. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.
19. Sorry officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
18. Aren't you the guy from the villiage people?
17. Hey, you must have been doing 125 to keep up with me, good job.
16. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical shape to be a police officer.
15. I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.
14. Bad cop. No donut.
13. You're not going to check the trunk, are you?
12. Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence.
11. Didn't I see you get your butt kicked on Cops?
10. Is it true that people become cops because they are too dumb to work at McDonalds?
9. I pay your salary
8. So uh, you on the take or what?
7. Gee officer, that's terrific.
The last officer only gave me a warning.
6. Do you know why you pulled me over?
Okay, just so one of us does.
5. I was trying to keep up with traffic.
Yes, I know there are no other cars around, that's how far they are ahead of me.
4. What do you mean have I been drinking?
You are the trained specialist.
3. Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off of my lap and got lodged between the brake and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.
2. Hey, is that a 9mm?
That's nothing compared to this 44 magnum.
1. Hey, can you give me another one of those full cavity searches? 
Similar jokes
See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.
A game warden was driving down the road when he came upon a boy carrying a wild turkey under his arm.
He stopped and asked the boy, "Where did you get that turkey?"
The boy replied, "What turkey?"
The game warden said, "That turkey you're carrying under your arm."
The boy looks down and said, "Well, lookee here, a turkey done roosted under my arm!"
The game warden said, "Now look, you know turkey season is closed, so whatever you do to that turkey, I'm going to do to you.
If you break his leg, I'm gonna break your leg. If you break his wing, I'll break your arm. Whatever you do to him, I'll do to you. So, what are you gonna do with him?"
The little boy said, "I guess I'll just kiss his ass and let him go!"
Two girlfriends were speeding down the highway at well over a 100 miles per hour.
"Hey," asked the brunette at the wheel, "see any cops following us?"
The blonde turned around for a long look. "As a matter of fact, I do."
"Oh, NOOOO!" yelled the brunette. "Are his flashers on?"
The blonde turned around again. "Yup...nope...yup...nope...yup..."
A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter.
A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, pal.
You're obviously drunk."
Our wasted friend asked, "Officer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?"
"Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the copper. "Let's go."
Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, "Thank goodness, I thought I was crippled."
A frail little old lady walked up to a cop and said, "I was attacked! I was attacked!"
The cop said, "When?"
She said, "Twenty-three years ago."
The cop said, "What are you telling me now for?"
The little old lady said, "I just like to talk about it once in a while."
The cop said, ‘Pull over!’
I said, ‘No, cardigan, but thanks for noticing!’
An old couple gets pulled over and...
Lady cop:"May I see you license and registration sir?"
Old man:"Ugh, what did she say?"
Old wife:"She needs to see you license and registration dear."
The old man hands it to the lady cop and...
Lady cop:"Oh, I see you are from New York. I used to have a lover from New York, he was the worst lover I ever had."
Old man:"Ugh, what did she say?"
Old wife:"Nothing dear, she thinks she used to know you."
Vote:
From the State where drunk driving is considered a sport, comes a true story from Texas.
Recently a routine police patrol parked outside a local neighborhood tavern.
Late in the evening the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk.
The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing.
After what seemed an eternity and trying his keys on five vehicles, the man managed to find his car which he fell into. He was there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off.
Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off (it was a fine dry night) flicked the blinkers on, then off, honked the horn and then switched on the lights. He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little and then remained still for a few more minutes as some more vehicles left.
At last he pulled out of the parking lot and started to drive slowly down the road.
The police officer, having patiently waited all this time, now started up the patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and carried out a Breathalyzer test.
To his amazement the Breathalyzer indicated no evidence of the man having consumed alcohol at all!
Dumbfounded, the officer said "I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the Police station this Breathalyzer equipment must be broken."
"I doubt it," said the man, "Tonight I'm the designated decoy."
Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to them, and points at the guy in the middle, shouting, "Your mom`s the best sex in town!"
Everyone expects a fight, but the guy ignores him, so the drunk wanders off and bellies up to the bar at the far end.
Ten minutes later, the drunk comes back, points at the same guy, and says, "I just did your mom, and it was sweee-et!"
Again the guy refuses to take the bait, and the drunk goes back to the far end of the bar.
Ten minutes later, he comes back and announces, "Your mom liked it!"
Finally the guy interrupts. "Go home, Dad, your drunk!!
Hahahahaha wot a fucking LAUGH!
How is a police car like a women?
It flashes and It usually has a d*ck in it.
A police officer pulled a car over and arrested the driver for stealing the car.
When he questioned the driver why he stold the car, the driver explained, "It was parked outside a cemetery and I thought the owner was dead!"