How do you know if a man is lying?
His lips are moving!
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What do a clitoris, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common?
Men always miss them.
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What do you have when you have two little balls in your hand?
A man's undivided attention.
Two cowboys come upon an Indian lying on his stomach with his ear to the ground.
One of the cowboys stops and says to the other, "You see that Indian?"
"Yeah," says the other cowboy.
"Look," says the first one, "he's listening to the ground. He can hear things for miles in any direction."
Just then the Indian looks up.
"Covered wagon," he says, "about two miles away. Have two horses, one brown, one white. Man, woman, child, household effects in wagon."
"Incredible!" says the cowboy to his friend. "This Indian knows how far away they are, how many horses, what colour they are, who is in the wagon, and what is in the wagon. Amazing!"
The Indian looks up and says, "Ran over me about a half hour ago."
Why is it dangerous to tell the husband to go and change the son?
Two hours later he comes back with a baby girl.
Q: What would men do if they had breasts?
A: They'd stay at home and play with them all day.
How many men would it take to mop a floor?
No one knows; they've never done it.
Boy: "Hey baby, what's your sign?"
Girl: "Do Not Enter!"
Q:What’s the difference between Ross Perot and Barack Obama?
A:Ross Perot is crackpot with big ears and Barack Obama is a pothead with big ears.
There once was a fellow from Kent
Who had such a long instrument.
To stay out of trouble
He folded it double.
And instead of coming he went.