How do you know if a man is lying? His lips are moving!
Q: Why are men so happy? A: Because ignorance is bliss.
Why do women make better soldiers? Because they can bleed for a week and not die.
Four friends spend weeks planning the perfect desert camping and riding trip. Two days before the group is to leave Rob's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going. Rob's friends are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do. Two days later the three get to the camping site only to find Rob sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and supper cooking on the fire. "Dang man, how long you been here and how did you talk your wife into letting you go?" "Well, I've been here since yesterday. Yesterday evening I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said 'guess who'?" I pulled her hands off and she was wearing a brand new see through nightie. She took my hand and took me to our bedroom. The room had two dozen candles and rose pedals all over. She had on the bed, handcuffs and ropes! She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed and I did. And then she said, "now, you can do what ever you want." So here I am.
How do you get a man to stop biting his nails? Make him wear shoes.
Men are like.....Commercials. You can't believe a word they say
Q. What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common? A. They're married.
Q: How many men does it take to open a beer? A: None, it better be open when she brings it to you.
There is the chief of Indians, and he is going down a field with his tribe, and they come across a pile of sh*t.So the chief asks his tribe men : "Does this look like sh*t to you?" "Yes is does", they replied. "Smell it. Does it smell like sh*t to you", asks the Chief. "Mmmmm..Yes" "Feel it. Does it feel like sh*t to you?", says the Chief. "Mmmmm..Yes" "Lick it. Does it taste like sh*t to you?", inquires the Chief. "Ammmm...Yes" "Good. Don't step on it!"
How many men does it take to pop popcorn? Three. One to hold the pan and two others to act macho and shake the stove.
Bigamy is having one husband too many. Some say monogamy is the same.