How do you know if a man is lying?
His lips are moving!
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Men are like.....Popcorn.
They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
Why are blonde jokes so short?
So men can remember them.
Any married man should forget his mistakes, there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
How can you tell if a man is lying?
You can see his lips moving.
I just had an argument with a girl I know.
She was saying how that it's unfair that if a guy fucks a different girl every week, he's a legend, but if a girl fucks just two guys in a year, she's a slut.
So in response, I told her that if a key opens lots of locks, then it's a master key.
But if a lock is opened by lots of keys, then it's a shitty lock.
That shut her up.
A lady calls the police to report her husband is missing.
The police arrive and ask for a description.
She tells them he's 6 foot 2 inches tall, blonde wavy hair and has a smile that makes everybody love him.
The police then go to the next door neighbor to verify this report and the lady next door tells the police, "You can't believe her.
He's 5 foot 4 inches tall, has no hair and he wears a perpetual frown on his face."
The neighbor then goes and asks the lady why she gave the police such a false report.
She replies, "Just because I reported him missing, doesn't mean I wanted him back!"
Why are husbands like lawn mowers?
They're hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don't work half time.
Men call us birds, is that because of all the worms we pick up?
Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven?
Because if they all went, it would be Hell.