Joke #3291

How do you know if a man is lying? His lips are moving!
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has 26.16 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: men

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A doctor says to his patient, "I have bad news and worse news." "Oh dear, what's the bad news?" asks the patient. The doctor replies, "You only have 24 hours to live." "That's terrible," said the patient. "How can the news possibly be worse?" The doctor replies, "I've been trying to contact you since yesterday."
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has 75.38 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: men
Two guys die in a car accident and an angel descends from heaven. "I am to give you your wings so you can fly to heaven. But if you think one dirty thought or act out one dirty act your wings will fall off." So they fly to heaven without any trouble but when they get there the first guy sees a naked woman walk by so his wings falll off. When he bends over to pick them up the second guy's wings fall off.
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has 74.78 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: men
How are men like noodles? They're always in hot water, they lack taste, and they need dough.
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has 64.78 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: men
What's the difference between a bachelor & a married man? Bachelor comes home, see's what's in the fridge & goes to bed. Married man comes home, see's what's in the bed & goes to the fridge.
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has 77.84 % from 82 votes. More jokes about: men
Men have two emotions: hungry and horny. So if you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
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has 78.36 % from 149 votes. More jokes about: men
Doc, says Steve, "I want to be castrated." "What on Earth for?" "It's something I've been thinking about for a long time. If you don't do it, I'll just go to another doctor." "OK, but it's against my better judgment." Steve has his operation. The next day he walks down the hospital corridor very slowly, legs apart, with his drip stand. Heading toward him is another patient walking exactly the same way. "Hi there," says Steve, "It looks as if you've just had the same operation as me." "Yeah," says the patient, "I finally decided I'd like to be circumcised." Steve's eyes widen in horror, "Oh no! That's the word!"
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has 67.78 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: men
What's the quickest way to lose 190 pounds of ugly fat? Divorce him.
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has 34.78 % from 6 votes. More jokes about: men
The Perfect Man: - wakes up at 5 am everyday - exercises everyday - makes his own bed - cleans his room - works sincerely - does not touch alcohol - helps in the kitchen - does not indulge in night life - always punctual - prays daily - hits the bed at 9 pm sharp Such a perfect man can only be found in jail.
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has 84.80 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: men
A man goes to the doctor with a piece of lettuce dangling from his rectum. "That looks nasty," says the doctor. "Nasty?" the man says. "That's just the tip of the iceberg."
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has 71.43 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: doctor, men
A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes of it, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!". The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!"
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has 65.00 % from 194 votes. More jokes about: food, men, sex, time, women