Joke #8

How can you tell if a man is lying? You can see his lips moving.

What does a man make best for dinner? Reservations.

Three women were sitting around throwing back a few drinks and talking about their sex lives. Karen said, "I call my husband the dentist because nobody can drill like he does." Joanne giggled and confessed, "I call my husband the miner, because of his incredible shaft." Kathy quietly sipped her whiskey until Joanne finally asked, "Well, what do you call your boyfriend?" Kathy frowned and said, "The postman." Looking puzzeled Joanne asked, "Why the postman?" "Because… he always delivers late and half the time it’s in the wrong box."

Why do women make better soldiers? Because they can bleed for a week and not die.

What should you give a man who has everything? A woman to show him how to work it

What is a man's definition of safe sex? A padded headboard.

Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

A man standing at a urinal notices that he's being watched by a midget. "Wow," comments the midget. "Those are the nicest balls I have ever seen!" Surprised and flattered, the man thanks the midget and continues to pee. Suddenly, the midget pulls up a step ladder right next to the urinal and says, "Listen, I know this is a rather strange request, but as they're so admirable, I wonder if I could take a closer look." Again the man is rather startled, but sees no real harm in it. Just then, the midget reaches out, gets a tight grip on the man's balls, and says, "OK, hand me your wallet, or I'll jump off the ladder!"

Women dream of world peace, a safe environment, and eliminating hunger. What do men dream of? Being stuck in an elevator with the Doublemint twins.

Q. Why did the woman bury her husband 12 feet under? A. Because deep down he's a good person.

Ladies and Gentlemen, if there is anybody here who is feeling, worried, nervous or apprehensive it is probably because you just married John.