Men call us birds, is that because of all the worms we pick up?
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Why is it good that there are female astronauts?
When the crew gets lost in space, the woman will ask for directions.
Why do men want to vote for a female President?
Because we'd only have to pay her half as much.
What do you get if you cross a woodpecker with a carrier pigeon?
A bird who knocks before delivering its message !
How does a man show he's planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
The average man is proof enough that women can take a joke.
There were 11 people – ten men and one woman – hanging onto a rope that came down from a helicopter.
They all decided that one person should get off, because if they didn’t, the rope would break and everyone would die.
No one could decide who should go, so finally, the woman gave a really touching speech saying how she would give up her life to save the others, because women were used to giving up things for their husbands and children, giving in to men, and not receiving anything in return.
When she finished speaking, all the men started clapping.
Why can't single women fart?
They don't get an asshole till they get married.
A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide.
The librarian says, "Fuck off, you won't bring it back."
A little boy is in school working on his arithmetic.
The teacher says, “Imagine there are 5 black birds sitting on a fence. You pick up your BB gun and shoot one. How many blackbirds are left?”
The little boy thinks for a moment and says, “NONE!”
The teacher replies, “None, how do you figure that?”
The little boy says, “if I shoot one, all the other birds will fly away scared, leaving none on the fence.”
The teacher replies, “Hmm, not exactly, but I do like the way you think!”
The little boy then says, “Teacher, let me ask you a question. There are 3 women sitting on a park bench eating ice cream cones. One is licking her cone, another is biting it and the third one is sucking it. How can you tell which one of the women is married?”
The teacher ponders the question uncomfortably and then finally replies, “Well, I guess the one sucking her cone.”
To which the little boy replies, “Actually, its the one with the wedding ring, but I do like the way YOU think!”