A sargeant bawled out a rookie.
"Did you watch all of the exits like I told you?"
"Yep," the rookie answered.
"I think he must have left by one of the entrances!
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Honestly, Officer, I wouldn't have pulled over had I known you were just going to criticize me.
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A cop stops a man for running a stop sign and the subject gives the cop a lot of grief explaining that he did stop.
After several minutes, the cop explained to the gentleman that he didn't stop, he just slowed down a little.
The gentleman said 'Stop or slow down, what's the difference?'.
The cop pulled the guy out of the car and worked him over for about a minute and then said, 'Would you like for me to stop or just slow down?'
A cop stopped a drunk at about dawn.
The cop asked, "Can you explain why you're out at this hour?"
"If I could," the drunk said, "I'd be home by now!"
Q: Why do cops arrest black people?
A: Because monkeys belong in cages.
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A police officer pulled a car over and arrested the driver for stealing the car.
When he questioned the driver why he stold the car, the driver explained, "It was parked outside a cemetery and I thought the owner was dead!"
A deputy police officer responded to a report of a barroom disturbance.
The “disturbance” turned out to be well over six feet tall and weighed almost 300 pounds.
What’s more, he boasted that he could whip the deputy and Muhammad Ali too.
Said the policeman, “I’ll bet that you’re also an escape artist-probably better than Houdini.”
The giant nodded.
“If I had some chains,” the deputy continued, “you could show us how strong you really are.
But all I’ve got is a set of handcuffs.
Why don’t you see just how quickly you can break out of them?”
Once in the cuffs, the man puffed, pulled and jerked for four minutes.
“I can’t get out of these,” the giant growled.
“Are you sure?” the deputy asked.
The fellow tried again.
“Nope,” he replied.
“I can’t do it.”
“In that case,” said the deputy, “you’re under arrest.”
Police have found the body of a man in the Thames wearing a Chelsea shirt, womens underwear, fishnet stockings, suspenders and with an extra large dildo stuck up his arse.
They have removed the Chelsea shirt to save the family any embarrassment ...
A couple young, entrepreneurial prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on the top of their car that read: "Two Prostitutes – $50.00."
A police officer, seeing the sign, pulled the ladies over and advised that they will have to remove the sign or go to jail.
Right about that time a minivan passed by with a sign on the side of it that read: "Jesus Saves."
"How come you don’t stop them?" asked one of the girls.
"Well, that’s a little different," the officer replied… "their sign pertains to religion."
The two ladies of the night pouted a bit, but they took their sign down and drove off peacefully.
The following day the same police officer was running radar when he noticed the same two young ladies driving around with another sign on their car.
Figuring he had an easy arrest, he flipped his lights on and began to catch up when he noticed the what the new sign read: "Two Fallen Angels Seeking Peter – $50.00."
A boy speeding on road.
Guard stops him and ask, "Did you see the speed limit sign?"
The boy says, "Yea, I just didnt see you."
A panda bear walks into a restaurant and orders a sandwich.
When he receives the sandwich he eats it and then shoots the waiter and leaves the restaurant.
A policeman sees the panda and tells him he just broke the law.
The panda bear tells the policeman that he's innocent and, if he didn't believe him, to look in the dictionary.
The policeman gets a dictionary and looks up "panda bear."
It says, "Panda Bear: eats shoots and leaves."