How can you tell that elephants have been doing it in your garage?
All your Hefty Bags are missing.
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Customer: "Waiter, there’s a dead beetle in my soup."
Waiter: "Yes sir, they are not very good swimmers."
How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh?
Ten-tickles.
A man drives to a gas station and has his tank filled up.
The gas pumper spots two penguins sitting in the back seat of the car.
He asks the driver, "What's up with the penguins in the back seat?"
The man in the car says "I found them.
I asked myself what to do with them, but I haven't had a clue."
The clerk ponders a bit then says, "You should take them to the zoo."
"Hey, that's a good idea," says the man in the car and drives away.
The next day the man with the car is back at the same gas station.
The clerk sees the penguins are still in the back seat of the car.
"Hey, they're still here!
I thought you were going to take them to the zoo."
"Oh, I did," says the driver, "And we had a swell time.
Today I am taking them to the beach."
Chuck Norris does not buy ground beef, he just takes a whole cow, runs it through his beard, and fully cooked hamburgers come out.
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Q. What do frogs do with paper?
A. Rip-it!
What do you get if you cross a skunk and a dinosaur?
A stinkasaurus.
Q:Why do dogs stick their noses in women's crotches?
A:Because they can.
Q: What's the difference between a porcupine and a lambrogini?
A: Procupines have pricks on the outside.
Chuck Norris scares cows so bad, milk comes out their nose.
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