What dinosaur can't stay out in the rain?
Stegosaur-rust.
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The priest in a small Irish village loved the rooster and ten hens he kept in the hen house behind the church. One Sunday morning, before mass, he went to feed the birds and discovered that the cock was missing. He knew about cock fights in the village, so he questioned his parishioners in church. During mass, he asked the congregation, 'Has anybody got a cock?
All the men stood up.
'No, no,' he said, 'that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock?'
All the women stood up.
'No, no,' he said, 'that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock that doesn' t belong to them?'
Half the women stood up.
'No, no,' he said, 'that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen MY cock?'
Sixteen altar boys, two priests and a goat stood up.
The priest fainted.
"Waiter, what is this hare doing in my salad?"
"I believe he's eating your lettuce."
Deep within a forest a little turtle began to climb a tree.
After hours of effort he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground.
After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground.The turtle tried again and again while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts.
Finally, the female bird turned to her mate.
“Dear,” she chirped, “I think it’s time to tell him he’s adopted.”
Why did the frog go to the mall?
Because he wanted to go hopping.
What do you get if you cross a skunk and a cartoon penguin?
Pingu-Pong.
What do you call a neurotic octopus?
A crazy, mixed-up squid.
What do you call a frog that crosses the road, jumps in a puddle, and crosses the road again?
A dirty double-crosser!
Yo mama is so hairy, Kingkong got jealous.