What kind of sharks make good carpenters?
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A monkey goes into a bar and asks the barman:
- Do you have any bananas?
- No,I don't. ( says the barman)
- Do you have any bananas? (asks the monkey)
- No,I have not got any bananas!
- Do you have any bananas?
- If you ask me that question one more time, I'll nail your tongue to the counter!
- Do you have any nails?
- No,I don't.
- Do you have any bananas?
Bill O'Reilly and his chauffeur accidentally hit and kill a farmer's pig while driving through the country.
O'Reilly tells the chauffeur to apologize to the farmer.
They drive up to the farm, and the chauffeur goes inside.
He is gone for a long time.
When the driver returns, he explains his long absence, "Well, first the farmer shook my hand, then he offered me a beer, then his wife made me some cookies, and his daughter showered me with kisses."
"Why were they so grateful?" O'Reilly asks.
The chauffeur replies, "I don't know. All I told him was that I was Bill O'Reilly's driver and I'd just killed the pig."
What do you call a group of cattle sent into orbit?
The first herd shot round the world.
One simply cannot play fair and win in a zoo - there are way too many cheetahs.
Chuck Norris doesn't sleep with a teddy bear.
He sleeps with a real bear.
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Why did Bossy tell the cowpoke to leave her calf alone?
She thought children should be seen and not herded!
Where does a cow stop to drink?
The milky way.
Why did the bareback performer ride his horse?
Because it got too heavy to carry.
What should you call a bald teddy?
Fred bear .