What kind of sharks make good carpenters? Hammerheads.
Little Johnny's teacher said, "Johnny, your essay on My Dog is exactly the same as your sister's." Did you copy hers?, she asked. Johnny replied, "No, teacher, it's the same dog!"
A crocodile has 2 eyes and 80 teeth. Question: What has 80 eyes and 2 teeth? Answer: A full bus of old men.
What do cows get when they do all their chores? Mooney.
A bumble bee was chasing a rabbit. Finally the bee turned around and flew away. Why? The rabbit had two b's already.
What kind of car does a rabbit drive? A furrari.
What's green with bumps? A frog with the measles!
The cowboy was trying to buy a health insurance policy. The insurance agent was going down the list of standard questions. "Ever have an accident?" "Nope, nary a one." "None? You've never had any accidents." "Nope. Ain't had one. Never." "Well, you said in this form you were bitten by a snake once. Wouldn't you consider that an accident?" "Heck, no. That dang varmint bit me on purpose."
What do you call rubber bumpers on yachts? Shark absorbers.
On the street strolls a chick dressed with fur from head to toes. Near hear another chick stops and says to hear: Do you imagine how many animals they had to kill for this coat? But do you know with how many animals I had to sleep with for it?
A farmer was in a bar drinking and looking all depressed. His friend asked him why he was looking depressed and he replied, "Some things you just can't explain. This morning I was outside milking a cow. As soon as the bucket was full the cow kicked it down with his left foot so I tied up his left foot to a pole. I began to fill up the bucket again and he kicked it down with his right foot, so I tied his right foot to a pole too. As soon as I finished milking the cow again he knocked down the bucket with his tail and I took off my belt and tied up his tail with my belt. As I was tying up his tail, my pants dropped down, then my wife came out and well, trust me, some things you just can't explain."