Some strangers sit at the bar. One guy says, "My name is Larry, and I am a SNAG." Another guy asks, "What's that?" The first guy says, "I am a Single, New Age Guy." Another guy says, "My name is Gary, and I am a DINK." A lady asks, "What's that?" He says, "Double Income, No Kids." The lady says, "That's nice. My name is Gertrude, and I am a WIFE." Larry asks, "A WIFE?" Gertrude says, "Wash, Iron, F**k, Etc."
My husband and I married for better or worse. He couldn’t do better and I couldn’t do worse.
Husband to wife: ‘I hear you’ve been telling everyone that I’m an idiot.’ Wife: ‘Sorry, I didn’t know it was a secret.’
Marriage is love. Love is blind. Marriage is an institution. Therefore: marriage is an institution for the blind.
A man would come home very late and very drunk every night. His wife decides to teach him a lesson by dressing up like Satan and scaring him. When he finally stumbles across the lawn, his wife jumps out and howls like a demon. He looks at her and slurs, "You don't scare me. I'm married to your sister!"
On wedding night, during sex: Husband: I had a sex with so many callgirls so many time before. Wife: Thats what I have been thinking since we met that I have seen you somewhere before...
A woman got married, but her husband was abusive. She got remarried and that husband ran out on her. She got married again and that husband failed in bed. Finally, she put an ad in the paper: "Looking for a man who won't abuse me, won't leave me, and won't fail me in bed." The next day, the doorbell rings. There is a man with no arms and no legs. "Hello, I saw your ad in the paper," he says. "Tell me a little about you." "Well, I have no arms, so I can't hit you. I have no legs, so I can't run out on you," he replies. "How do I know you're good in bed?" she asks. He says, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"
Phone talk: "Is your boss there?" "No, he left on a trip." "A recovery trip, huh?" "I don’t think so... He took his wife with him!"
"Hi Liz! How's the big love of yours, James?" "It's over!" "Over? Why, what happened?" "We got married..."
Guns don’t kill people – husbands who come home early kill people.
A preacher was giving a sermon to a full church when all of a sudden the devil appeared. He was menacing and threatening and the entire congregation started to flee the church except for one old man. When the church was empty the devil went up to the man and asked "aren’t you afraid of me, I’m evil incarnate, the most horrific being in the universe and will most likely torture you!" The man replied "You don’t scare me, I’ve been married to your sister for 35 years."