Malcolm: Miss Wilson can I go to the loo?
Miss Wilson: In two minutes Malcolm. Do your alphabet first.
Malcolm: Ok Miss Wilson. abcdefghijklmnoqrstuvwxyz.
Miss Wilson: Very good, Malcolm, but where's the p?
Malcolm: Miss, it's running down my leg!
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An Ohio State University mortician student walked into the embalming room where a cadaver was lying on the table.
Confident that he knew enough now to begin the procedure without his instructor, he began to examine the body.
When he rolled it over, he was shocked to see a cork in the man's butt.
Mystified, he pulled it out and immediately heard the University of Michigan fight song come out of the guy's butt.
Shaken by what had happened, he quickly shoved the cork back into it's original resting place.
He then ran to get his instructor, nervously shouting, "Sir, you must come, you won't believe what I discovered!"
Annoyed by the interruption, the professor said, "Let's take a look at this astounding discovery."
When they entered the morgue, the teacher was also surprised to see the cork, so he approached the table and promptly removed the cork.
Upon hearing the University of Michigan fight song, he quickly replaced the cork in the cadaver's butt and said, "What's so surprising about that? I've heard thousands of assholes sing that song!"
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What did the tampon say to the other tampon in school?
I'll see you next period.
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Q: Why did the referee stop the leper hockey game?
A: There was a face-off in the corner.
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Chad: Why do magicians do so well in school?
Josh: I don’t know. Why?
Chad: They’re good at trick questions.
Q: What is a snake's favorite subject in school?
A: Hissssstory.
Mother: What did you learn in school today
Son: How to write.
Mother: What did you write?
Son: I don't know, they haven't taught us how to read yet!
David: Why did the broom get a poor grade in school?
Dan: I don’t know. Why?
David: Because it was always sweeping during class!
Luke: Why did the M&M go to school?
Stan: I’m stumped.
Luke: Because he really wanted to be a Smartie!
Silence is golden.
Unless you have an infant.
Then its probably blue.
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Sperm 1: How much longer tell we get to the egg?
Sperm 2: We've still got a long way to go. We're only half way down the esophagus.
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