What's the difference between a leprechaun and gonorrhea?
One's a cunning runt.
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Q: What's the hardest thing about a sex change from a man to a woman?
A: Inserting the anchovies
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When is the best time to bury that baby you killed?
When it starts talking to you again.
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Two old ladies are at the movies.
"Psst," says one old lady. "I think the guy next to me is beating off."
"What makes you say that?"
"He's using my hand."
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Yo mama is so stinky that she scared the fly's off the shit wagonrn.
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A guy walks into a bar and announces that he can close his eyes and name what kind of alcohol he is drinking and how old it is, just by taste and smell.
A drunken guy at the bar says, "I bet I can give you a drink that you can't name."
"You're on," replies the guy, "as long as you pay."
So the drunken guy puts a drink on the table.
The guy sips it, gags and spits it out.
"This tastes like piss!"
"Yeah," says the drunken guy, "now guess how old I am."
Q: Which of the following doesn't belong: wife, meat, eggs, blowjob?
A: The blowjob.
You can beat your wife, your eggs, or your meat; but you just can't beat a blowjob.
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Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage.
We know this beverage as Red Bull.
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Q: What do you call the sweat on your balls after having sex with your cousin?
A: Relative humidity.
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What's the definition of bravery?
A man with diarrhea chancing a fart!
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So that there be less strife
May your dreams be sweet
And your ass does not tweet tonight.
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