What's the difference between a leprechaun and gonorrhea? One's a cunning runt.
What does the cannibal do just after he dumped his girlfriend? Wiped his ass.
Question: If you went to a party and woke up with a condom in your ass would you tell anyone? Answer: No! Response: Wanna go to a party?
Did you hear about the 120-pound guy with the 30-pound testicles? People say he was half-nuts!
What kind of a car does a proctologist drive? A brown Probe!
What's gross? Farting in the bathtub. What's grosser than that? Catching the bubbles with your teeth.
What is more disgusting than a pile of 100 dead babies? One live one in the middle is eating its way out.
A good looking woman walks into a bar wearing a tube top. She raises her hand to signal the bartender for a beer, revealing that she does not shave her armpits. Meanwhile, a sloppy drunk on the other side of the bar signals the bartender, "Buy that ballerina over there a drink on me." The bartender replies, "What makes you think she's a ballerina?" "Because," answers the drunken man, "any chick that can lift her leg that high has GOT to be a ballerina."
Q: What is worse than waking up the morning after an orgy with pubic hair in your teeth? A: Waking up with a lump in your throat and a string hanging out of your mouth.
Dan staggers into the shower. He notices that his d**k is bright orange. He feels normal, but he's concerned and goes to the doctor. After a thorough examination, the doctor says, "You seem to be fine and all of the tests are normal. Did you do anything out of the ordinary over the weekend?" Dan says, "No. All I did was stay home, watch porno movies and eat Cheetos."
What do you give Mikey for his 18th birthday? A 90 year old woman, because Mikey will eat anything.