What's the difference between a leprechaun and gonorrhea? One's a cunning runt.
One day, a guy walks out from a shop to see someone PISSING on his Ferrari. "Hey," says the man. "Why are you pissing on my Ferrari?" "Because I feel like it." "Tell you what -- I won't report you to the police if you can keep up with my Ferrari." "Whatever." So the guy gets in his car and drives off, going faster and faster, until he's hit 100 miles per hour. Amazingly, the guy is still keeping up. "I'm amazed," says the driver. "How are you keeping up?" "It's easy," says the running man, "when your d**k is stuck in the door."
How does herpes leave the hospital? On crotches.
What does the cannibal do just after he dumped his girlfriend? Wiped his ass.
If I wanted to hear from an a**hole I would fart.
Malcolm: Miss Wilson can I go to the loo? Miss Wilson: In two minutes Malcolm. Do your alphabet first. Malcolm: Ok Miss Wilson. abcdefghijklmnoqrstuvwxyz. Miss Wilson: Very good, Malcolm, but where's the p? Malcolm: Miss, it's running down my leg!
Two cannibals are eating dinner and one says, "I hate my mother-in-law." The other replies, "Well, just eat your noodles, then."
Q: What do you call a man with no arms or legs, with a ten inch penis? A: "Partially disabled."
Q: What does a Polish bride get on her wedding night that's long and hard? A: A new last name.
Q: Did you hear about the couple that "96ed?" A: After they "69ed" they rolled over and sh*t in each other's hair.
Did you hear about the midget that went into the whorehouse? He got a twat in the face.