What is the longest organ in a sheep's body?
A New Zealander's cock!
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Did you hear about the cat who drank 5 bowls of water?
He set a new lap record.
What lives in the ocean, is grouchy and hates neighbours?
A hermit crab.
Q: What's invisible and smells like carrots?
A: Bunny farts!
What do you get when you cross a frog and a rabbit?
A rabbit that says, "Ribbit."
Bert took his Saint Bernard to the vet.
"Doctor," he said sadly, "I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to cut off my dog's tail."
The vet stepped back, "Bert, why should I do such a terrible thing?"
"Because my mother-in-law's arriving tomorrow, and I don't want anything to make her think she's welcome."
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A man runs over a cat.
The cat’s address is on its collar so the man goes to apologise to the owner.
He knocks on the door and a little old lady answers.
The man says, ‘I’m so sorry.
I’ve just run over your cat.
Can I replace it?’
‘I don’t know,’ replies the old lady.
‘How are you at catching mice?’
Everybody knows that Chuck Norris can't shoot a bow even though he got 5 bullseyes in a row.
The only reason he got the bullseye is that his arrows know better than to miss.
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Chuck Norris once had a pet monkey...his name was KING KONG
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I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it, it was a shitzu.