Joke #3394

What is the longest organ in a sheep's body? A New Zealander's cock!

Did you hear the joke about the skunk? Never mind, it stinks.

What kind of sharks make good carpenters? Hammerheads.

Psychiatrist: "What’s your problem?" Patient: "I think I’m a chicken." Psychiatrist: "How long has this been going on?" Patient: "Ever since I was an egg!"

Yo' Mama is so fat, if she buys a fur coat, a whole species will become extinct.

What weighs 35 tons, has four fuzzy ears and is 80 million years old? Two rabbits riding a brontosaurus.

Chuck Norris doesn’t ride a horse, he uses his crotch to carry it.

Two goldfish are in a tank. One said to the other: "Do you know how to drive this thing?"

What happens when you put the batteries in BACKWARDS in the Energizer Bunny? He keeps coming and coming and coming...

An octopus walks into a bar and sees a band playing in the corner, composed of those bar-room heroes, the Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman. He walks up and says “I’m the best musician in the world. I can play any instrument you like”. So the English guy goes “Alright then. Play this” and hands him a guitar. The octopus plays it better than Jimi Hendrix, better than Chuck Berry, better than anyone and hands him back the guitar. The Irishman says “Okay, how about this?” and shows him to the piano. The octopus sits down and plays it like never before – Better than Jerry Lee Lewis and Elton John. The best pianist ever. Finally, a Scotsman says “Alright, let’s see ya play this then” and hands him a set of bagpipes. The octopus looks at them and fumbles with them. Couple more minutes and he’s still struggling and there’s no sound coming out. Couple more minutes and still nothing so the Scotsman says “Oh, so can you not play it then?” And the octopus says “Play it? I’m gonna f*ck her when I get her pyjamas off”

Why did President Clinton name his dog Buddy instead of Spot? Because he didn't want people running around the White House saying, "come Spot, come Spot!"