A mean horseman went into a saddler's shop and asked for one spur.
"One spur?" asked the saddler.
"Surely you mean a pair of spurs, sir?"
"No, just one," replied the horseman.
"If I can get one side of the horse to go, the other side is bound to come with it!"
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If Chuck Norris were a cat he would have ten lives.
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Yo Mamma so stupid she put on bug spray before she goes to the flee market!
What’s a mouse’s favorite record?
Please cheese me!
Chuck Norris can make a turtle go faster.
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What's a moo hoo for a darling bull?
A dear steer.
Q: Why can't the bankrupt cowboy complain?
A: He has got no beef.
A man on a beach sees a shark near a child in the shallows.
Ignoring personal safety, he dives in the water and, with his bare hands, kills the shark.
He brings the tot to shore and is met with tumultuous applause from spectators.
"Geez, mate" says a reporter "You should get a medal. What part of Australia are you from?"
Modestly our hero says: "Actually I'm from England."
The next days newspaper headline says "Pommy mongrel kills child's pet"
Customer: "Waiter, what’s the meaning of this fly in my tea up?"
Waiter: "I wouldn’t know sir, I’m a waiter, not a fortune teller."
What happens when a cow stops shaving?
It grows a Moostache.
A deer hunter who was an atheist was out in the woods when suddenly a 1,000-pound deer stepped out.
"Good God!" exclaimed the hunter.
Suddenly, a voice from Heaven said, "I thought you don't believe in me."
The hunter replied, "Up until now I didn't believe in 1,000-pound deer either."