After an accident...
1st Driver : I flashed the headlights and told you to let me go first.
2nd Driver : I also started the wipers and said NO NO...
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Q: When is the only time a guy can multi-task?
A: When he's watching porn, masturbating, and keeping an eye on the door at the same time...
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What is a "successful hunting trip"?
When three men kill 9 cases of Budweiser in two days
"What is the thickest book in the world?
What Men Think They Know About Women."
Why do men ask for a woman's hand in marriage?
Because they are tired of using their own.
Why were men given larger brains than dogs?
A.So they wouldn't hump women's legs at cocktail parties.
B.So they wouldn't stop to play with every other man they see when you take them around the block.
Why are all jokes about women one-liners?
So men can understand them.
The Perfect Man:
- wakes up at 5 am everyday
- exercises everyday
- makes his own bed
- cleans his room
- works sincerely
- does not touch alcohol
- helps in the kitchen
- does not indulge in night life
- always punctual
- prays daily
- hits the bed at 9 pm sharp
Such a perfect man can only be found in jail.
Why didn't the husband change the baby for a week?
Because the text on the nappies package said "18-40 lbs".
Why do men buy electric lawn mowers?
So they can find their way back to the house.