How do men exercise on the beach?
By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.
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Jim is up north on a trip and his car breaks down.
He checks it out for a minute and being a mechanic he pretty quickly knows he needs a tow truck.
He opens his phone and has no signal so he starts walking.
A few minutes later he here's the bass of a car coming in the distance, bht dum dum do buh dum dum do.
He waits and sees a low riding car pull up next to him.
The windows roll down and smoke pours out.
He sees a bunch of empty beer bottles.
The driver and his 3 passengers ask "hey man! Need a lift? We saw your car up the road?"
He thinks for a minute and decides not to go with them.
The ask what's wrong with the car the mechanic replies "uhh just piston broke that's all" the driven than replies "eh so are we man hop in!"
What do you call a man with half a brain?
Gifted.
Why is it dangerous to tell the husband to go and change the son?
Two hours later he comes back with a baby girl.
An exhausted hunter out in the woods stumbled across another hunter.
Hunter 1: "Am I glad to see you, I've been lost for three days."
Hunter 2: "Don't get too excited, friend, I've been lost for three weeks."
How can you tell the difference between men's real gifts and their guilt gifts?
Guilt gifts are nicer.
I only wanted to have a child, not marry one.
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
A.A dog is always happy to see you
B.A dog only takes a couple of months to train.
Men are like.....Department Stores.
Their clothes should always be half off.
Question: Why do men fart more than women?
Answer: Because women won’t shut up long enough to build up pressure.